


I Dare You to Love Me

by starrywrite



Series: Flower Shop Love Story [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Video Blogging & YouTube RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Flower Shop, F/M, Florist!Dan, Fluff, Infidelity, Light Angst, M/M, Mild Smut, Porn Watching, Sexuality Crisis, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-04
Updated: 2014-10-04
Packaged: 2018-02-17 07:05:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 28,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2300762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starrywrite/pseuds/starrywrite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU! Dan owns a popular flower shop and has more of a passion for flowers than he does for people. That is, until Phil stumbles into his shop - and consequently into his life as the two develop a fast friendship and Dan finds himself all but infatuated with him. But there's a problem: Phil's engaged and Dan is the florist for his wedding. And even more complications arise when Phil begins questioning everything he's ever known about love - and himself - when he realizes that the path to true love isn't always... straight.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Dare You to Love Me

**Author's Note:**

> my fic for the Phandom Big Bang 2014!!!! i had so much writing this and a lot of hard work went into this, and i'm very pleased with the final outcome :)  
> big thanks to my betas Jana (ilovebooks-forever on tumblr), Alex (philslesters on tumblr), and Michelle (thatsmistertoyou on tumblr). and thank you to the hella talented Alex (philslesters on tumblr) for the most aMAZING FIC ART! click [HERE](http://philslesters.tumblr.com/post/99159862654/even-though-dan-said-they-wouldnt-stay-long) and [HERE](http://philslesters.tumblr.com/post/99159868269/silence-follows-after-dan-says-that-and-phil) to see it (and cry about it) 
> 
> ~ other notes ~
> 
> this was inspired by the film "Imagine Me & You" and brief disclaimer: i'm not claiming that all of the 'definitions' in this fic are 100% accurate, i'm just going by what i've found online :)

It’s a slow day at Game of Thorns, a small flower shop in the heart of London owned by twenty-two year old Dan Howell. Dan loves flowers more than anyone he knows, and he’s sure of that; flowers are literally his life. When he was at uni, he studied botany and business, as well as working on trying to own a flower shop. As soon as he graduated, all of his time, efforts, and money went into his shop; he built his shop from the ground up - well, not literally, but he did find the vacant building and it wasn’t easy by any means. But it wasn’t impossible, and now Game of Thorns is his pride and joy, the most important thing he’s ever done. And truth be told, he’s really proud of himself. 

Game of Thorns has been in business for roughly a year now, and business is booming, especially around the holidays. His shop has gotten so much buzz that it’s now become the “go to” place in London when you need a last minute flower arrangement for your loved one because you forgot their birthday. Even though Dan owns the shop, he works there as well, sometimes as a cashier, sometimes as just an associate, walking around to help out the clueless who don’t know that azaleas represent “first love” and shouldn’t be given to your mum for mother’s day. 

It’s a slow day today, they’ve only had a few customers for the past couple of hours, and Dan is resting behind the register, playing games on his phone because he can - it’s not like he’s going to get fired. The bell resting over the front door dings loudly, and Dan looks up from the register to see a tall boy, really tall - maybe even Dan’s height, and Dan’s towering at 6’2” - with hair so dark that’s probably come from a box, but who cares because it really suits him. He steps inside the flower shop, glancing around at all the arrangements before his eyes land on Dan. And Dan can’t deny that his heart skips a beat or two when he sees him - he’s probably the most attractive man Dan’s seen in a long time. The dark haired boy gives him a smile and then proceeds to look around the flower shop, lingering around the many, many flower arrangements and bouquets - that Dan proudly put together himself.

“Hi!” Dan blurts out, because apparently around attractive people, he has no idea how to use his inside voice, and the customer jumps in surprise, not expecting to have been shouted at by an employee. “Um, welcome to Game of Thorns,” he says, struggling not to stutter because god, does he stutter when he’s nervous, and just looking at this guy is making him nervous; he’s got a small, lopsided smile on his face and the bluest eyes Dan has ever seen - they remind him of freshly bloomed blue hydrangeas. 

“Can - can I help you with anything?” he asks, cursing himself. He fucking stuttered.

“Uh,” he gives Dan a sheepish smile as he looks around the shop for a moment. “I’m not sure yet,” he finally says. 

Dan smiles at him. “Just let me know if you need anything,” he tells him, and turns way to fiddle about with the register because he doesn’t know what else to say. He wants to say more; he wants to actually strike up a conversation with this guy, but he’s far too awkward and shy, and this guy is so far out of his league anyway. Still, that doesn’t stop Dan from keeping an eye on him while he roams around the shop. And to be honest, he’s really enjoying the view.

“Well, well, well,” Louise, one of Dan’s favourite employees and also his best friend, goes to stand next to him. She, too, is eyeing up the strapping young customer as he walks a bit aimlessly around the shop, looking from one thing to the next.

Dan chuckles a little. “Calm down Lou; you’re married,” he tells her. 

“But you aren’t,” Louise gives him a sly look. “You think he’s fit, don’t you?”

Dan blushes a little. “Maybe,” he mutters, then shrugs nonchalantly because it’s really not a big deal; attractive customers come in all the time. “So what?”

“So why don’t you…” she trails off and wiggles her eyebrows suggestively. 

“Why don’t I go make a ridiculous face at him?” Dan asks jokingly, although he knows exactly what Louise is implying. It’s no secret that Louise has been trying to help Dan find someone lately - not that he’s protesting, he definitely would not mind having someone to call his own. But aside from the fact that Dan knows not to mix business with pleasure - by pleasure in this situation he means tall, blue eyes, and lanky arms covered in plaid - he doesn’t even know this guy. 

Louise rolls her eyes. “Honestly, I don’t even know how I cope with you sometimes,” she says, and Dan chuckles. “I mean, you think he’s fit, so go over and talk to him!” Louise encourages him, and Dan shushes her immediately.

“Keep your voice down!” Dan hisses. “I really don’t need the whole store -”

“There’s no one here,” Louise cuts in.

Dan ignores her. “- knowing that I think he’s fit. Besides, what would I ever go talk to him about?”

“This might sound crazy, but you could talk to him about flowers,” Louise says to him, and Dan feels like he’s been slapped in the face by her sarcasm. “I mean, look at him,” Louise discretely motions towards him. “He looks like a lost puppy; he needs you, Dan.”

Dan groans a little. “Shut up!” he mumbles, and he knows he’s blushing right now; his face feels so hot. 

“C’mon now, Little Bear,” Louise tells him, using an old nickname that she gave to him years ago and it’s just stuck with him ever since. “What have you got to lose?”

“Okay, so hypothetically speaking,” Dan starts. “Even if I do actually go up and start talking to him, nothing would even come of it. He probably isn’t even gay.”

“Neither are you,” Louise points out, and Dan gives her a point for that one; being bisexual and being gay _are_ two different things after all. “You’ll never know unless you try,” she adds. 

Dan chews on his bottom lip nervously. “I don’t know…”

“Tell you what,” Louise says. “You go up to that strapping young lad, show him some of that Dan Howell charm, and steal his heart. And when you do, I’ll pay for your lunch today.”

Dan chuckles a little. Only Louise would resort to bribing him with food to get him to flirt with the cute customer. “Okay, okay, fine,” he says, and he sucks in a deep breath before he walks over to him and stands there awkwardly for a moment because he can’t quite muster up the courage to say anything until he turns around and looks at him. “Hi,” he says. “Uh, I’m Dan.” 

“Phil,” he smiles at him.

“So,” Dan pleads with himself not to be such an awkward little shit. “Did you need me yet?” his eyes widen a bit; did he really just say that? “I - I mean did you need any help yet? You with the flowers and…. stuff.”

Phil chuckles a little. “Actually, I wouldn’t mind some help,” he says. “See, I’m trying to find some flowers for my girlfriend - well, soon to be fiancée,” he explains, and Dan’s face drops. Luckily, Phil doesn’t seem to notice. “I’m going to propose to her soon, and I wanted to get the perfect flowers for her.” Phil turns away for a moment and Dan takes advantage of Phil’s misplaced attention to glance at Louise and give her a thumbs down. “I was thinking, maybe yellow roses?” he says, and Dan turns his attention back on him, going into full flower mode and flipping the switch off of lovesick puppy. “Because yellow’s her favourite color.”

“I wouldn’t,” Dan says. “Yellow roses represent friendship, and if you’re going to propose to her, I don’t think you’d be calling her a friend.”

Phil raises an eyebrow. “I had no idea flowers represented things,” he says.

Dan smiles a little. “Flowers have a language all their own,” he tells Phil. “For example, lavender roses mean love at first sight, azaleas mean first love, and red carnations,” he fondly strokes the red carnations resting in a bunch before him and Phil. “They mean ‘my heart aches for you’.” 

“Wow,” is all Phil says for a minute, and Dan worries that he’s probably turned him off with all of his nerdy flower talk, but then Phil says, “That’s actually really amazing. I never knew there was a flower language,” he turns to Dan. “So what would you recommend for a proposal?”

Dan pauses for moment. “I would say…” he says slowly, looking around his shop as he collects his thoughts. “Red and white roses,” he finally says. “Together, they represent unity.”

“Red and white roses it is,” Phil says with a smile. Dan leads Phil over to the register, where he tells Louise to wrap up a bouquet of a dozen red and white roses, and then goes on to charge Phil for the purchase. 

As Phil’s paying, Dan says, “Thank you for shopping at Game of Thorns.”

“I’m glad I did,” Phil says. “I knew I made the right decision judging the book by its cover - or should I say, the shop by its name.”

Dan blushes and tells Phil, “I’m glad I can attract fellow nerds here just with the name of my business.”

“Wait,” Phil says. “ _Your_ business? As in, you own this place?” 

Dan nods. “Yeah, this is my place,” he says proudly. “I have quite a passion for flowers, always have. So to me it always made sense that I should make a career out of my life.”

Phil is awestruck. “That’s really cool, I’m so impressed,” he says, and Dan blushes some more - he can’t help it, he always gets a little flustered when people compliment his shop. It gets worse when cute guys like Phil compliment his shop. “If you don’t mind me asking, how old are you? Just because you look really young to own your own business.”

“I’m twenty-two,” Dan tells him. “I turn twenty-three in June, though.”

“Wow,” Phil says with wide eyes. “You aren’t even thirty and you run a business - that’s amazing!”

Shyly, Dan looks down at the countertop. “Yeah, it _is_ pretty awesome,” he admits. “And I’m doing pretty well here, so I’m happy.”

Phil smiles at him again. “Well, I’m happy that I decided to come here today.”

Louise returns before Dan say anything, which is perfect timing, because he doesn’t even know what to say in response to that and all he can do right now is smile stupidly at Phil. She gives Phil his flowers, and Dan tells Phil, “Good luck, mate.”

“Thanks, Dan,” Phil says, and hearing Phil say his name gives him goosebumps. “I’ll have to be sure to stop by here again soon.” 

Dan can’t stop smiling, even after Phil’s gone, and Louise excitedly asks him, “What was the thumbs down for earlier? I think he’s interested in you!”

Dan shakes his head. “He’s got a girlfriend,” he says.

“That doesn’t mean he can’t be interested,” Louise points out. 

“He’s also going to propose to her,” Dan says. “So even if he was interested - which there’s no way that he is - it wouldn’t even work out anyway.” 

Louise frowns a little. “I’m sorry, Little Bear,” she tells him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. “Don’t you worry though; one day, you’ll find someone who’ll buy red and white roses for you.”

Dan just shrugs. “Hopefully,” is all he says, and then he grabs the broom behind the register and goes to sweep up the already clean floor in an attempt to look busy so he’ll be too distracted to think about how lucky Phil’s soon-to-be fiancé is that she’s getting red and white roses.

* * * 

Even though Dan didn’t steal Phil’s heart like Louise had prompted him too, she still offers to pay for his lunch, and when the next shift of employees come in, Dan and Louise depart for their lunch break. She lets Dan pick where they eat, most likely because she feels bad for him because of Phil being almost engaged. Dan chooses a small sandwich shop not far from Game of Thorns. After ordering and receiving both of their meals, they go to take a seat outside. 

Dan looks down at his sandwich and when he sees it’s wrapped in blue tissue paper, he thinks of Phil again and his blue eyes. Then he finds himself thinking of Phil’s smile, that smile that could make flowers grow, and his little laugh, and soon after that he finds himself wondering what kind of sandwiches Phil likes and if he’s ever been to this shop in particular and -

“Earth to Dan!” Louise says loudly, waving her hand in front of Dan’s face. 

Dan jumps a little. “What?” he asks.

“Have you been listening to a word I’ve been saying?” she asks him, knowing very well that he hasn’t.

Dan scoffs, trying to come across as offended by her accusation. “Of course I have been!” he says. Louise raises her eyebrows at him, giving him a look that clearly says ‘don’t bullshit me’ and Dan admits, “Okay, fine. I wasn’t listening, I’m sorry.”

“Why are you so distracted?” Louise asks him, then jokingly says, “Worried we won’t have enough tulips by next week?”

Dan smiles a little. “No, we’ve met our tulip quota for the month, thank you very much,” he says. 

“So then what is it?” Louise asks again.

Dan considers lying but then decides against it because he and Louise have been friends for years and she can read him like a book - plus Louise has a daughter, so she can definitely catch a liar when she sees one. Reluctantly, Dan says, “I was thinking about Phil.” 

“As in Phil from the flower shop?” Louise asks. “The same Phil you had just barely met an hour ago?”

“Look, I know it sounds crazy,” Dan tells her, because it is crazy, even he knows that. “But…” he just sighs. “I don’t know. Something about him is special.”

Louise’s lips twitch into a smile. “Sounds a bit like love at first sight, if I do say so myself.” she says.

Dan pauses for a moment. He’s never really taken love at first sight seriously - truth be told, he thought it was a bullshit idea but now… now, he’s not so sure. 

“Do you believe in love at first sight?” he asks her. “You know - that you could meet someone, or just see someone across a room, and with that one glance you could look in their eyes and see their soul. Do you believe that could happen?”

Louise shrugs. “I don’t know; I know lust at first sight is a real thing.” she tells him. “Love, though, that’s something that takes time.”

“How do you even know when you’re in love?” Dan asks her, because in all of his twenty-two years, he’s never been in love. He knows it’s supposed to be beautiful and romantic, but he doesn’t know what it’s like. 

“I think you know immediately,” Louise replies. “Because if you were to meet someone, or just see them across a room, and if you were see into their soul at that moment, then everything that happens from then on just proves that you have been right in that first moment. When you suddenly realize that you were incomplete and now you are whole.”

Dan considers what she says for a moment. “I don’t think it was love at first sight,” he decides. “I mean, yeah, I think Phil is really sweet and attractive, but I don’t think I’m in love with him. And besides,” Dan looks down at the blue tissue paper wrapped around his sandwich and he tells Louise, “He probably doesn’t even remember my name.”

* * * 

The next day, Dan has thought about Phil a lot less, but he’d be lying if he said his heart didn’t skip a beat or two when the front door of Game of Thorns opens and Phil walks inside.

Dan nearly drops the bouquet he’s holding and he fumbles with it a bit, basically throwing it around in his hands before he gets it situated with the rest of the flowers – and unfortunately for Dan, Phil saw the entire thing. Fantastic.

“Hey!” Phil greets him with a wide smile.

“Hey,” Dan sets the bouquet down, before he actually does manage to drop it, and then shoves his hands in his pockets because apparently he cannot be trusted to touch anything right now. “What brings you here?”

“I need some flowers for my mum,” Phil tells him. “And after talking to you yesterday, I decided that I’m not going to trust anyone else with my flowery needs.”

Dan’s heart all but stops when Phil says this; how dare he be so cute and so nice to him, how dare he make Dan’s heart practically stop. But despite all of that, Dan remembers that Phil is taken and is not interested in him whatsoever, and he reminds himself to act as professional as possible. “I’d go with pink carnations,” he tells him. “They represent a mother’s love, but they also mean _I’ll never forget you_ , which is sweet. And they’re really pretty and smell really nice.”

Like yesterday, Phil takes Dan’s suggestion and as he goes to put together a bouquet for him, Phil asks, “What’s the difference between red and pink carnations?”

“The red carnation is more representative of admiration and they mean _my heart aches for you_ ,” Dan explains. “And I would hope that your heart didn’t ache for your mother… unless you’ve got an Oedipus complex.”

Phil laughs and when he does, his tongue pokes out a little between his teeth and it’s probably the cutest thing that Dan’s ever seen. “For the record, I do not have an Oedipus complex,” he says. “But I do think my mum will love the carnations,” he smiles at him. “Thanks again, Dan!”

“That’s okay,” Dan says.

“So,” Phil says, following Dan and stopping once they’ve reached the register. Dan walks behind it to wrap up Phil’s flowers, and Phil rests his elbows on the countertop. “How’d you get to know so much about flowers?”

“I’ve always liked flowers,” Dan tells him. “They’re pretty and they smell nice, and… I don’t know, I know it’s not like being interested in art or music, but I just really like flowers. When I was a teenager I decided that I wanted to own my own business, instead of working for someone else, because I knew what I wanted to do with my life was going to be something that revolved around flowers. And then I just spent the next couple of years learning about flowers; I’ve done a lot of research and I kind of dedicated almost all of my time to trying to learn the language of flowers. It was easier than learning French too, and I just found it all really fascinating and -” Dan stops himself. “I’m sorry, this is probably really boring.”

“No it’s not! I like listening to you talk about flowers,” Phil says as he pays. “You know, I’ve never met anyone who knows so much about flowers.”

Dan just shrugs. “Yeah, it’s kind of dorky.”

“No, it’s cool!” Phil insists, and Dan tries to will the blush away because for fuck’s sake, he can’t blush every single time Phil says something sweet to him. “What’s dorky is naming your shop Game, of Thorns.”

Dan smirks a little. “Well it got your attention, so I know I made the right decision.” and that’s all it takes for the two of them to start talking about Game of Thrones, discussing their favourite characters and episodes and the books as well. 

It’s so easy for Dan to talk to Phil - it’s almost as if they’ve known each other for their entire lives, like they’re best friends and not strangers who just met for the first time yesterday. The conversation flows naturally; there are no awkward pauses and Dan doesn’t find himself struggling to figure out what to say next or worrying about if Phil thinks he’s funny (which he must, because Dan’s been making him laugh a lot this afternoon). He does, however, find himself thinking back to his conversation with Louise yesterday about love at first sight, because spending time with Phil is making him feel… whole. 

Dan loses track of how long he and Phil talk for, but he figures it must’ve been a long time - their conversation shifts from Game of Thrones to their favourite music and movies now, and when Louise walks into the shop for her shift, that’s when Dan realizes just how long he’s been talking to Phil. She looks back and forth between Phil and Dan for a moment and she smirks at Dan and says, “Hello there Dan and…”

“Phil,” he tells her with a smile.

“Phil,” Louise repeats, still smirking a bit, and Dan is blushing as if the two of them had gotten caught doing something other than just talking about their mutual love of Muse. “It’s nice to meet you.”

Moments later, a customer walks in as well, and Phil turns back to Dan, saying, “I don’t want to take up all your time while you’re working. But I’ll see you around, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Dan says with a wide smile, and Phil gives him a little wave, turning to leave when Dan calls after him, “Wait!”

Phil turns around, confused, and Dan holds up the carnations. “You might want to bring these with you,” he says with a small smile. 

“Oh, duh!” Phil jokingly hits himself on the forehead, laughing a little as he walks back over to Dan. He takes his carnations and gives him one more big smile before leaving the shop. 

Dan watches him as he departs, and Louise appears next to him. “You know,” she says. “You literally look like the heart eyes emoji right now.”

“Get to work, Lou,” is all Dan says, but he knows she’s right; he’s definitely got heart eyes for Phil.

* * *

A couple of days pass since Dan’s last encounter with Phil, and he hasn’t really seen him around since. Every so often he’ll walk past the front of the shop and pause and wave to Dan, but he hasn’t come in for a while now and Dan’s starting to miss him. Which is dumb, because why should he miss Phil? They’ve only talked a few times, that’s hardly enough to consider them to be friends - right? They _did_ find that they have a lot in common the last time they talked, maybe if they talked more they could form a proper friendship. 

Dan’s train of thought crashes completely when he’s startled by the sound of the bell ringing above the door, and he glances up to see Phil walking inside - ‘think of the devil, and the devil shall appear’ - hand in hand with a woman Dan’s never seen before. His heart drops a little, and it drops even more when Phil exclaims, “She said yes!” 

Dan forces a smile. “I assume this is your fiancée?” he asks, hoping it’s not too obvious that he’s absolutely gutted right now. 

Phil nods eagerly. “Dan, this is Lucy,” he says, motioning to her. Dan bites his lip; she’s really cute. She’s got brown hair and wears thin-rimmed glasses, and for some reason she makes Dan think of sunflowers - maybe it’s because she’s wearing a wide smile on her face, the kind of smile that could bring the sun out on a cloudy day. “And Lucy, this is Dan,” Phil smiles at him. “My favourite florist.” 

Dan kind of wants to throw some dirt at Phil right now. He can’t just show up with his fiancée and still be extremely cute to him. “Hi, Lucy.” Dan says, and she returns the greeting, giving him a wide smile in return. “Congrats to the both of you.” 

“Thank you,” Phil says with a smile. “And I told Lucy all about you, and we were wondering if you would be the florist for our wedding?” he asks. “I’ve never met anyone who knows more about flowers than you.”

Dan chews on his bottom lip once more. He wanted to spend more time with Phil, but definitely not like this. And call him crazy, but he was hoping that if he was a florist for Phil’s wedding, he’d be walking down the aisle with him as well. It was definitely a pipe dream to begin with, but now Dan’s been hit with the harsh reality that his little fairy tale is just that; it’s nice to think about a happy ending with a prince called Phil, but in reality, it’s not going to happen. 

“Yeah, I’ll do it.” Dan tells them before he can talk himself out of it. The three of them talk a bit more and they make plans for Dan to come to Phil and Lucy’s apartment to talk some more about the wedding and what kind of flower arrangements they had in mind. 

When they leave, Dan mopes behind the counter because all he can think about now is how Phil isn’t even his and now he’s gone.

* * *

As soon as his shift ends, Dan goes over to Louise’s house because at a time like this, he really needs his best friend. It’s so stupid that he’s upset like this - he barely knows Phil, he shouldn’t be so broken up about him being engaged. It’s just a little superficial crush, but at the same time Dan knows it’s not. He knows talking to Phil the other day was like talking to a friend he had known for years. He knows that Phil is so sweet and kind to him and he’s one of the very few people who let Dan ramble on about flowers without looking uninterested after the first few seconds. He knows that Phil is so cute and he’s been thinking about his beautiful eyes for the past few days now and he wants to kiss him so badly.

But he can’t. Phil’s engaged and he’s happy with Lucy, and Dan will never be the one who makes Phil that happy. 

When he arrives at Louise’s house, he knocks on the door and moments later Matt, Louise’s husband, answers. “Hey, there.” Matt smiles at him, and Dan walks inside.

“Hey, sorry for showing up unannounced,” he apologizes.

“You know it’s not a problem,” Matt says. “You’re practically family.”

Dan smiles a little. “Where’s Louise? I kind of need to talk to her.”

“Lounge with Darcy,” he tells him, referring to Louise and Matt’s three year old daughter - and Dan’s goddaughter - Darcy. Dan just nods and he heads to the lounge where he finds that Tangled is on the TV and Louise and Darcy are having a cuddle on the couch. 

Darcy glances up when Dan enters the room and she smiles widely. “Dan bear!” she squeals and climbs off of the couch, running to him immediately and hugging his legs. 

Dan chuckles fondly, despite the fact that he was pretty upset just a few moments ago, he can’t help but to smile when he sees his goddaughter - or when she calls him “Dan bear,” which is something she adapted from her mom calling him “Little Bear,” and Dan can’t deny that it’s probably the cutest thing ever. He bends down and picks her up for a moment, and she wraps her little arms around his neck. He gives her a little cuddle, and he’s already feeling just a bit better than he did before.

“Hello there,” Louise greets him. “What brings you to my humble abode?” 

“I needed to talk to you about something,” Dan admits. 

“Let’s play!” Darcy says cheerfully, ignoring the fact that Dan is kind of having a crisis at the moment - but Dan forgives her for it; she is only three after all.

“Oh, no, no,” Louise says. “It’s time for you to get into the bath. Can you go find daddy and ask him to give you a bath please?”

“We’ll play after your bath, Darcy,” Dan adds, and that’s enough incentive for Darcy to head out of the room and Dan’s smile drops the second she’s gone. 

“What’s wrong, Little Bear?” Louise asks.

Dan sighs. “She said yes,” he mumbles. “Phil’s fiancée Lucy - she said yes, and now they’re engaged and they want me to do the flowers for their wedding.” Dan sighs again. “As if them being engaged wasn’t a big enough punch in the gut.”

“Dan, I understand you’re upset because the cute guy from the shop is engaged,” Louise says. “But you barely know him - why are you _this_ upset over it?”

“You don’t _understand_ , Lou!” Dan wails. “He’s so sweet and dorky and funny, and he’s perfect for me, and he’s engaged and I’m just really upset!” he sits himself down onto her couch, his bottom lip poking out into a pout and he looks positively miserable right now. 

“Oh, don’t be upset, Little Bear,” Louise tells him, walking over to sit next to him. “You don’t even know this guy; for all you know he could be a psycho or a clown in the circus.” When Dan doesn’t crack a smile, Louise reaches out to brush his hair back out of his eyes and she says, “I told you, one day you’re going to find someone that you can buy red and white roses for.”

Dan turns to look at her, and he says sadly, “But I want it to be him!”

Louise wraps her arm around his shoulder and gives him a little hug. “Oh honey, I know your little heart’s been crushed now, but you’ll be okay. Don’t dwell too much on this Phil guy.”

Dan sighs. “Stupid Phil and his stupid fiancée who’s perfect and nice so I can’t even hate her,” he grumbles.

“You know, you don’t _have_ to be his wedding florist if it’ll make you sad,” Louise reminds him. “I’ll be glad to step in for you. Plus, I wouldn’t mind the overtime.”

Dan manages a small smile. “Thanks,” he says. “This is why you’re my best friend. But I’m going to do it, who knows, maybe I’ll form some kind of friendship with him. That’s better than nothing.”

“You’ve got a good heart, Dan Howell,” Louise tells him, hugging him again. “A good heart, indeed.” Dan doesn’t say anything; he may have a good heart, but that doesn’t make up for the fact that there are cracks in its foundation. 

* * *

Later in the week, Dan arrives to Phil’s apartment for his appointment with Phil and Lucy to discuss floral arrangements for their wedding. Despite the fact that he isn’t thrilled about Phil getting married, he can’t deny that he’s excited. He likes doing stuff like this - putting flowers together and making arrangements and helping to organize events. It’s more than just his forte - it’s his _passion_ , and he’s willing to put his feelings aside to make everything flower related about this wedding absolutely beautiful. 

He knocks on Phil’s front door, struggling to maintain his binders full of photos - all three of them, because he wasn’t sure what they wanted or what their wedding theme would be, so he just wanted to make sure they had options. Phil answers the door seconds later, and he smiles at Dan. “Hey, you!” he looks at the binders in Dan’s arms and he says teasingly, “Wow, you’re really prepared.”

Dan blushes a little as he walks inside. “A true florist is _always_ prepared,” he says, and Phil guides him over to their dining room table so he can lie out all of his books for them to see. 

“Well, I really appreciate everything you’re doing for us,” Phil tells him. 

“Oh, it’s no problem,” Dan tells him with a smile. His smile falters just a bit when Lucy walks into the room and kisses Phil’s cheek before greeting Dan, shaking his hand again. 

“I can’t wait to see what you’ve got for us.” she says. “Phil tells me you’re an expert.” 

Dan shoves his hands in his pockets, bashfully looking down at his shoes, a small smile twitching at his lips. “I don’t know about an _expert_ ,” he says. 

“Aw, he’s so modest,” Phil says, and Dan swears if he had a dollar every single time Phil made him blush, he could buy another flower shop. 

Dan coughs a little. “So,” he says, and he opens one of his binders. “So roses are typical flower choices for weddings, but I like to do things a bit differently.” 

The three of them spend almost two hours just looking at Dan’s booklets and listening to him talk to them about flowers, explaining their intricate meanings. He asks Phil and Lucy what they were thinking in regards to color schemes, and he gives them his input. He shows them things that suit what they want as well as things that he thinks would work well with their wedding. His jaw almost starts to hurt from talking so much, but he loves this; he loves flowers. 

Phil can’t help but to find himself in awe of Dan right now. He’s never seen someone with so much passion - and so much passion for something that he never thought anyone would have an extreme passion for. He listens to the way Dan talks, and he doesn’t just explain things, he brings them to life. The way he talks about flowers, it’s so obvious the amount of love he has for them and how dedicated he is to his work. Phil smiles a little, he can’t help but to think that Dan is so adorable right now. 

An hour and a half passes and Dan checks his phone, “Oh wow, it’s getting late,” he looks at Phil and Lucy. “I’m sure that you two don’t want to hear me ramble on about flowers anymore.”

Both Phil and Lucy thank him again as Dan starts to pack his things up, but before he can fully get his things together, Phil says, “Why don’t you stay for dinner?”

“Yeah!” Lucy says in agreement. “Please, it’s the least we can do since you took out time from your day to help us.”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Dan says warily. “I don’t want to impose -”

“Oh, C’mon, please?” Phil asks, and he pouts a little. “Besides, I’ve always wanted to know what you were interested in besides flowers, Game of Thrones, and Muse.” Dan chuckles a little, and his face feels hot.

“And I’ve made more than enough for all three of us,” Lucy adds. “Do you like pasta, Dan?” 

Dan smiles a little. “I love pasta,” he says, and he puts his binders back down. “Okay, fine, you’ve twisted my arm - I’ll stay.” 

Phil smiles widely, and Dan’s counting his blessings that the boy doesn’t have dimples because that would honestly just kill him at this point; how is it humanly possible for someone to be _so_ cute? He’s starting to think that Phil might be half human-half created in a lab. “So,” Dan breaks the ‘if this silence goes on for another two seconds it’s going to be so awkward’ silence as they all sit down with their meals. “How did you two meet?” 

“We met at uni,” Phil tells him. “I was a year ahead of Luce, but we had a lot of the same classes because we both had the same major.”

“Was it love at first sight?” he asks, and then mentally punches himself in the face for that because why would be subject himself to that kind of torture?

“Nah,” Lucy replies. “I actually didn’t even like Phil at first; he was really annoying.”

“Hey!” Phil says, mock-hurt, and the two of them laugh.

“Besides,” Lucy continues. “I don’t think love at first sight is a real thing.” 

“I do,” Phil says. 

“You do?” Dan asks, a little too quickly, a little too eagerly. 

“Yeah,” Phil says with a nod. “I don’t know, I just feel like you could see someone and realize that you were incomplete without them, and seeing them makes you feel whole.” he shrugs. “I probably sound dumb but it’s an indes-”

“Indescribable feeling,” Dan finishes his sentence in awe. He and Phil look at each other, and when they lock eyes, Dan swears he sees fireworks.

“Yeah,” Phil says with a smile. Dan smiles at him, but then his smile drops because he figures, if Phil believes in love at first sight, it was probably with Lucy. He looks down at his food and doesn’t bring up the subject of ‘love’ for the remainder of dinner. 

* * *

Dinner comes to a close, and Dan gathers his things together as he readies himself to leave. “Thank you again for having me.” he tells them politely, because despite the fact that it hurt to see Phil and Lucy together, it was a nice evening and both Phil and Lucy are very nice people. He has to admit that he enjoyed being in their company. 

“Thank you for helping us,” Phil tells him.

“Yeah, we are definitely going to consult you some more about flowers for the wedding,” Lucy adds.

Dan smiles a little at her; he wants to dislike her, he really does. But she’s just so sweet and not the fake kind of sweet where you can tell that deep down she’s a wicked witch - she’s just genuinely a kind person. Truth be told, she’s kind of perfect for Phil, and Dan isn't a terrible person like he thought he was because he can’t bring himself to dislike her for that reason alone. “I’ll be happy to help,” he says, and after saying goodbye once more, Dan leaves.

Phil wraps an arm around Lucy’s shoulders. “Dan seems really great,” she says.

“Yeah, he’s pretty awesome,” Phil says. “Really nice too. And he’s got a great taste in music and TV - the last time I was at the shop, we talked for like ten minutes just about how much we both love Muse.”

“Sounds like you’ve got a crush on him,” Lucy says teasingly.

Phil chuckles. “Oh, come on now,” he says. “You know I’ve only got eyes for you.” and he kisses the tip of her nose before the two of them head into the kitchen to clean up what’s left of tonight’s dinner.

* * *

Dan makes it back to his apartment and as he walks inside, shutting the door behind him and listening to the way it echoes slightly throughout his quiet flat, he realizes just how alone he actually is. He’s never had someone to come home to, someone waiting for him at the end of the day. He’s never had someone to sit with while he watches TV or someone to lie with in bed late at night. He’s never had… someone. 

After seeing Lucy and Phil together, Dan realizes how badly he craves affection, how starved he is of romantic contact, how badly he just wants somebody to be his. And it sucks, because for the most part he doesn’t care about being single or even being alone, but some days he really does care and it makes his heart hurt at how badly he just wants someone to love him.

Maybe that’s why he’s so infatuated with Phil; maybe he’s realized that he really is lonely and he just wants _someone_. But then he thinks, no that can’t be it. Because it’s not like Phil could be anyone and it’s not like he’s just protecting his perpetual need for love onto him - Dan has feelings for Phil. Strong feelings. He’s never felt this way about someone before - it was like being hit by a freight train of emotion but the crazy thing is, he doesn’t even want to get off. He’s bought his ticket and he’s going to ride this thing until he reaches his final destination where hopefully Phil will be waiting for him - or until it crashes, which is more likely to happen than the later. 

And it’s almost ridiculous that he would subject himself to this but god, he just wants Phil so badly and in all aspects of want. Phil is literally perfect for him; they like the same movies and TV show, they have the same favourite band, they even have the same haircut. But despite the things they do have in common, Phil is the type of person Dan needs because they’re opposite in so many ways; Phil is quiet and reserved and Dan’s a bit of an asshole and has a tendency to be loud sometimes. Phil is laid back and Dan tends to panic a lot. Honestly, it’s almost as if they shouldn’t work together but Dan knows that they would. He knows that they’d be perfect together. 

His phone vibrates on his coffee table, and it makes him jump but he sees that it’s Louise calling and he answers. “Hey.”

“How’s my favourite bear doing?” Louise asks. 

Dan smiles a bit, but it doesn’t reach his eyes; it’s not genuine in the slightest. “I’m fine,” he says, but he’s not fine at all; he’s sad. “Dinner went well, and Lucy and Phil really loved everything that I had to say and they’re considering some of my recommendations for their wedding.” the word ‘wedding’ tastes sour on Dan’s lips - no, bitter. Just like he is. 

“But…” Louise prompts him, because she knows there’s a but; she knows there’s something more that’s on Dan’s mind.

“But…” Dan sighs, switching his phone from one ear to the other. “They’re so cute and so in love,” Dan sighs again before he admits, “And I’m sad.”

“Are you sad because you like Phil, or are you sad because you’re starting to feel lonely after seeing them together?” Louise asks him. 

Dan hesitates a little. “…Both.,” he admits softly. 

“Oh, Little Bear,” Louise says; she doesn’t sound condescending or anything of the sort - she never does to be honest - she just sounds genuinely sad for him. 

Dan drops down onto his couch. “Louise, I know I sound so dumb right now,” he says. “But Phil is just so cute and he’s nice, and we have loads in common and he’s the only person besides you who actually cares when I talk about flowers…” he trails off for a moment, the words getting caught in his throat as he chokes out, “And he doesn’t love me.”

“You don’t sound silly,” Louise reassures him, “You can’t help what your heart wants.”

“I wish I didn’t want Phil,” he grumbles, mostly to himself. “Of all people, I had to fall for someone fucking engaged. Never mind that he’s probably straight - he’s freakin’ engaged.”

“Dan,” Louise says, her voice suddenly serious. “Can you promise me that you won’t try and sabotage their wedding and fill it with black roses?”

Dan smiles a little, but it’s a pathetic attempt at a smile. He knows Louise is trying to make him feel better and it is working, he just needs to sulk for a bit before he’s ready to feel better. “I promise,” he tells her. “I take my flowers very seriously; I would _never_ use them for evil.”

“You are the cutest, Little Bear,” she says. “And you’re very sweet, and you’ve got a big heart and a good head on your shoulders. I know I tell you this all of the time, but trust me, you’re going to find someone who loves you more than anything.”

Dan just sighs again. “If not, I’ll just live a lonely life as a florist,” he says, half jokingly.

“You’ll never be lonely,” Louise tells him. “You’ll always have me, Matt, and Darcy.”

A small smile tugs at Dan’s lips. “Louise, we’ve been through this; I’m twenty-two, you can’t adopt me,” he tells her. 

Louise just replies, “I can try, okay.” and it makes Dan laugh a bit. He’s lucky to have Louise as a friend, she always manages to make him smile when he feels like he’ll never smile again. 

* * *

A few days later, Dan is back to work and doing what he does best - tending his flowers and putting his problems off to the side for the time being. Even though his crush on Phil isn’t necessarily a problem, it’s inconvenient, but it’s certainly _not_ the best thing to happen. Dan hates having crushes on people; he gets awkward and blushy and shy and he stutters - god he stutters so much - but it’s worse when he has a crush on someone he can never have.

But he’s just going to put it all in the back of his mind, because he isn’t going to be bothered by it - not today. Today he’s going to take this big ass bag of soil and tend to his flowers. 

As he hoists the bag up, he struggles under its weight, but the sound of the door shop opening and Phil’s voice saying, “Hey, Dan!” is enough to make him fumble the bag and drop it, spilling the soil at his feet. He hears Louise laugh and his face is about as red as ever right now; what is it about Phil that _always_ gets him so jumpy and flustered? Dan decides that crushes are stupid and annoying and he hates them. “Sorry, did I startle you?” Phil asks.

“Nah, I drop bags of soil all the time,” Dan tells him, and Phil laughs a bit. “So,” Dan shoves his hands in his pockets. “Who’d you forget flowers for this time?”

Phil chuckles a little. “No one,” he says. “I just wanted to see you.” Dan’s thankful that he wasn’t holding anything else at this moment in time, because he’s positive that he would’ve dropped it. “Actually, I wanted to know if you were okay with exchanging numbers?” he asks. “You know, so we could talk more about the wedding… or about anything, really.” 

“Anything sounds good,.” Louise pipes up, and Dan’s face reddens. 

“Louise, don’t you have a lunch break to take?” he asks, and Louise chuckles a bit, but takes Dan’s hint and grabs her purse. “Pick me up something, please?” 

“Of course,” Louise says.

“You know what I like,” Dan adds, and Louise nods as she says goodbye to Phil before leaving the shop. 

Dan turns to Phil. “So, numbers?” Dan and Phil exchange mobile numbers, then text each other their favourite emojis just because they can, which makes Dan smile so much his cheeks almost ache. He then pockets his phone and tells Phil as much as he wants to continue texting Phil the smiling poop emoji, he needs to clean up the mess he made. 

“So,” Phil kneels down along with Dan with the intention to help him clean up; Dan glances up, startled, as he definitely expected Phil to leave after this. “Is Louise your girlfriend?”

Dan can’t help but to chuckle; it’s not the first time someone’s asked him this. “Nope, she’s just my best friend,” he tells her. “Actually, Louise is married and she has a daughter - my goddaughter.” 

“Aw,” Phil smiles a bit. “D’you ever want to get married, Dan?” he asks.

Dan shrugs. “I don’t know,” he says, and pauses for a moment. “Maybe now that the law has changed.”

The other boy raises an eyebrow. “What do you mean?” he asks.

Dan blushes a bit. “Oh, well…” he clears his throat a bit before saying. “I’m… I’m bisexual.” 

Phil blinks and all he says is, “Oh.”

Dan’s stomach drops and he breaks out in a nervous sweat that floods his armpits, and he keeps his arms pressed tightly to his sides so he doesn’t reveal it to Phil. “That’s - uh,” he pauses, then clears his throat so he can give off an ‘I really don’t care what you think about me or my sexuality’ vibe and definitely not ‘please don’t hate me’ vibe. “That’s not a problem is it?” Dan asks.

“Oh no!” Phil’s eyes go wide. “No, no. Of course not. I’m sorry, I was just a bit taken aback for a second.”

“It’s okay, I just wanted to make sure,” Dan says. “I mean, I know it’s 2014 but people still aren’t all too accepting.”

“I understand,” Phil says, and there’s an awkward silence that follows. Dan looks down at the leftover soil on the ground as if it’s the most interesting thing in the world. “So…” Phil breaks the silence after a few painful seconds. “Do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend?” 

“Nope, I’m single,” Dan tells him.

“Interested in anyone?” Phil asks him, and Dan glances up at him just briefly enough to see the tips of his ears tinted red. “Sorry if I’m being too invasive.”

Dan chuckles a little. “No, you’re not,” he tells him. “And… yeah, I kind of like this guy,” he pauses for a moment, then sighs. “But it’d never work out for like a thousand reasons,” he concludes. 

“I don’t see why not,” Phil says, and Dan glances up at him. He smiles a little and tells him, “Anyone would be lucky to date you.”

Dan just bites his lip and he can’t help but to think, _‘Except you.’_

* * *

The next day, Phil accompanies Lucy as she goes out grocery shopping - something he definitely protested because he loathes grocery shopping and he can definitely think of about fifteen better ways to spend his afternoon. But Lucy insists, as every time she comes home with groceries, Phil always points out something from _his_ list that she had forgotten or confused with something else, so Phil's forced to join her today. 

Just as he had expected, it's painfully dull and as they roam around the shop his mind begins to wander to various things, anything to keep him the slightest but entertained until they leave. Funnily enough, as they're shopping he sees a display of bouquets of flowers and instantly he thinks of Dan. And think of the devil... 

“I don’t understand why _I_ have to push a cart full of _your_ food!”

Phil’s ears perk up, like a dog hearing it’s owner’s voice, and he looks around briefly before his eyes lock on Dan, who’s standing by the dairy foods with a guy Phil’s never seen before. Not that he’s surprised; he and Dan’s friendship, albeit sudden, is still new and he clearly doesn’t know everyone in his life yet. But he can’t help but to wonder who this mystery man is - and then Phil remembers their conversation from yesterday, and he remembers Dan telling him that he was interested in someone, and his mind start racing. Is this who Dan’s interested in? Is he just a friend? Dan mentioned once he had a brother - could this be his brother?

Phil’s curiosity is getting the best of him and he decides that he can’t continue his day until he’s got some answers - he also decides that he and Lucy need eggs, so he pushes their cart over to where Dan is and as inconspicuously as he can manage, he bumps his cart into Dan’s cart. “Oh! Sorry about that - Dan?” Phil feigns surprise. “Small world.”

“Hey, Phil!” Dan is positively beaming when he sees Phil, his dimple caving in as he smiles so widely. Phil smiles in return. He really loves Dan’s dimples. “Hey, Lucy,” he adds a moment later and Lucy waves to him.

“Um, who’s this?” Phil asks, motioning towards Dan’s friend. 

“Oh! This is Chris, who finagled me into doing his grocery shopping, Dan says whilst rolling his eyes. 

“Hi!” Chris gives Phil a small wave, which Phil returns. Dan’s introduction, however, doesn’t give Phil much insight as to who this Chris character is and he can't bear not knowing - though he doesn't know why he's so determined to know if Dan and Chris are dating or not. 

“So,” Phil clears his throat awkwardly for a moment. “Are you two - I mean...”

“Are we...?” Dan looks confused, and Chris looks positively amused. 

“Are you guys, um, together?” Phil asks, feeling like a proper twat right now and his face flushes upon asking. 

“No!” Dan says quickly, maybe too quickly. His face is red as well. “We’re just friends.” 

Chris smirks. “Not that I haven’t tried to convince Dan to take a dip in the dating pool with me,” he says, and Dan rolls his eyes, which Phil notices and it makes him smile. “But alas, he loves another.” Phil also notices how Dan goes red in the face and elbows Chris in the ribs for saying that.

“Anyway!” Dan says, a bit too loudly. “We’ll leave you both to your shopping now. C’mon, Chris.” the two say goodbye to Phil and Lucy as Dan pushes the cart away, complaining as he does so because “these aren’t even _my_ groceries!”, and Phil smiles fondly as he watches him depart.

“What was that all about?” Lucy asks him as she picks up a pint of milk and places it in their cart. 

“I dunno, I just thought...” Phil trails off for a moment, realizing he doesn't really have a valid reason to justify what just happened. Truth be told, he's still wondering why he cared so much about Dan's love life or lack thereof. “Well Dan had told me yesterday that he was interested in someone and I just thought that it might be Chris.”

“Dan's gay?” Lucy inquires. 

“Bi,” Phil corrects her, and Lucy hums in understanding. “If it's not Chris, I wonder who he was telling me about then,” he muses, mostly to himself. 

“So what you're saying here is that you're being nosey?” Lucy asks, a teasing smirk on her face. 

“I was being a caring friend,” Phil replies. 

“Friend?” Lucy asks, curiously. “So you and Dan are officially proper friends now?”

Phil glances up and in doing so, he sees Dan off in another part of the store, his hands flying up to cover his mouth as he laughs at whatever Chris is saying to him and even from so many feet away, Phil can hear the sound of his laugh clearly, see the dimples caving in his cheeks. And with a smile he says, “Yeah, we’re friends.”

* * *  
As time goes on, something happens that neither Dan nor Phil expected to happen - they become friends, really close friends. It’s almost safe to say that they’re each other’s best friend. 

At first they would only text each other to talk about Phil’s wedding, maybe even a business call here and there, and sometimes, Phil would stop by the shop to look at flower samples. But their relationship has evolved from business to pleasure, and it’s as if they’ve known each other for their entire lives. Not a day goes by where the two of them aren’t talking to each other and neither of them could’ve seen this coming, but they aren’t complaining.

It’s almost hard to believe that someone you met could’ve grown so close to you in such a short amount of time, and it’s even harder to believe that you could meet someone and it’s almost as if you two had know each other for your entire lives - as opposed to only a few months - but that’s what happened with Dan and Phil. 

The more he thinks about it, the more Dan realizes that can’t pinpoint the moment that he decided Phil was his best friend; life “pre-Phil” seems like a separate thing to life “post-Phil” and Dan looks back on life “pre-Phil” and he realizes how incomplete he felt, like something was missing, and now he looks at life “post-Phil” and he feels… whole. He feels complete. 

He figures that Phil must be pretty special to just enter his life and _work_ with him so well; unlike him and Louise who truth be told, didn’t hit it off right away (not that he found Louise off putting or anything; Dan’s just too much of a lone wolf to generate many friendships). Phil was different though, the two of them just clicked instantly and it was like they had known each other their entire lives. And yeah, it doesn’t make sense how they had gotten so close so fast, but he decides that he doesn’t want to make sense of it. He decides that Phil is the perfect fit to his life, and he hopes he’s the perfect fit to Phil’s as well.

(He is). 

* * *

It gets to the point where Phil starts showing up at the shop just because, and today is no different. Usually when he walks in the shop, Dan’s dimpled smile is stretched wide across his face and his brown eyes are shining, but today Dan looks sullen as he mopes around the shop, a frown tugging at his lips. 

“Why so glum, chum?” he asks as he walks inside. 

“Nothing, it’s nothing,” the brunette sighs, and when he glances up, his eyes go wide. “I didn’t know you wore glasses.” Dan says.

Phil’s hand goes up to touch his thick-rimmed black glasses, as if he had forgotten he was wearing them. “Oh,” he says. “Yeah, I don’t always but my eyes were bothering me this morning so I didn’t bother putting my contacts in like usual.” 

“Th - they’re nice,” Dan stutters, which is the understatement of the century because Phil looks _ridiculously_ attractive in glasses, and Dan has to force himself to stop staring. 

“Thanks,” Phil says. “So anyway, what’s up with you?” 

Dan bites his lip. “It’s nothing,” he says, then sulks on over to where Phil’s standing.

“C’mon, I know something’s wrong,” Phil insists, nudging Dan’s shoulder with his own. “Talk to me.”

Dan sighs again. “It’s just…” he pauses for a moment, as if hesitating continuing or not. “Well, today’s my birthday -”

“Oh, happy birthday!” Phil cuts in. 

Dan smiles a little, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “Thank you.” 

“Why’re you working on your birthday?” Phil asks him. “You should be celebrating!”

“Well,” Dan sighs. “I was going to go to - there’s a new botanical garden in Brighton,” he finally explains. “And Louise and I had tickets to one of the expos, but her daughter got sick so she has to take care of her - which believe me, I understand and I’m not upset about _that_ ; I really don’t want to go alone though and now I have two tickets to an event I can’t even go to now - not to mention an event I really wanted to go.”

Phil frowns. “Aw, I’m sorry,” he says, then pauses. “Wait, what’s a botanical garden?” 

“It’s a garden that displays flowers and plants,” Dan explains. “There are greenhouses, and tours you can go on, and they have _so_ many plants - there are exotic ones and specialist plant collections and -” Dan stops himself. “It’s all just a bunch of nerdy plant stuff,” he says. “And it sucks that I can’t go to this one.”

Phil falls silent for a moment. It’s obvious that this is something that Dan really wanted to go to; hell, it sounds like something he dreams about - spending an evening surrounded by plants. Because yeah, technically speaking he _does_ spend everyday with plants, but that’s work (no matter how much he enjoys it, work is work), and being able to be around plants and not having to worry about selling them or watering them or tending to them probably sounds like the kind of day Dan would love. Not to mention he works so hard all of the time and every day of the week - he deserves a day off. _And_ it’s his birthday on top of all of that. 

The more Phil thinks about it, the more certain he is when he tells Dan, “I can go with you.”

Dan’s head snaps up to look at him so fast, Phil thinks he’s going to give himself whiplash. “Wait - what? Are you serious?”

Phil smiles at him. “What are friends for?” he asks.

Dan’s eyes widen but his smile even is wider and he rushes forward to hug Phil. He stiffens a bit as Dan wraps his arms around his waist and give him a tight squeeze, and Phil can feel it in every inch of his body, like fireworks are going off inside of him. And as soon as it happens, it ends but Phil can still feel Dan wrapped around him.

He clears his throat a little. “We aren’t too late are we?” he asks. “We’ll make it in time.”

“If - if we leave now, yeah we’d make it,” Dan stammers, clearly trying to wrap his mind around all of this. “But a - are you sure you want to go to this? It’ll probably be really boring for you and -”

“Dan, I’d love to go with you,” Phil interrupts, not for reassurance but because it’s true. Dan’s done so much for him, he wants to do something for him now. But even more so, he just really wants to see Dan absolutely light up in the botanical gardens; he knows how happy Dan’s going to be there and all Phil wants is to make Dan as happy as he makes him.

Dan pulls him into another hug and this time Phil actually reacts to it, and he wraps his arms around Dan, pushing himself up on his toes just slightly because Dan has about an inch and a half on him, and he rests his chin on Dan’s shoulder as he squeezes him tightly. “Thank you, thank you so much!” Dan gushes, pulling away from their hug so he can tell the girl working the register that he’s going to be going out for the remainder of the day, and Phil just stands there, still feeling Dan’s warmth around him, trying to wrap his mind around how Dan’s hugs are so magical and why they leave him feeling this way. 

The pair of them rush to the train station, just barely catching the train to Brighton, and they squeeze into a seat close together, legs pressed so tightly together that Phil can feel the pack of gum in Dan's pocket. He watches Dan as he talks, and at first he tries to tell himself it's because Dan is seated by the window and he wants to see the view - but who is he kidding? Dan is like a flower beginning to bloom; Phil has a hard time grasping the concept that he's _real_ with his rosy cheeks and his chocolatey brown eyes and a smile that people write songs about. But it wasn't just his looks, it was the little things like the way he sat with his hands clasped in his lap and his legs crossed lightly at his ankles or the way he bit the edge of his thumb when he was deep in thought, then tried to play it off like he was biting his nails so no one would think he was sucking his thumb. Dan is like a work of art and Phil just can't keep his eyes off of him. 

Dan chatters away excitedly about the botanical gardens and he goes from a paper sketch to an animated being as he tells Phil everything they can expect this evening. And truth be told, it's not the most interesting of places in Phil's opinion and it's not how he pictures he'd be spending his day, but the smile on Dan's face and the way he says thank you literally every time he gets the chance is making this all worth it. 

When they arrive, it’s not like anything Phil had expected - then again, he really didn’t know what _to_ expect; he’s never been to a botanical garden before. He did expect a lot of green though, and that’s exactly what he got. Everywhere he looked, there were plants and flowers and grass and general garden things, but it’s so big and so beautiful and Phil can’t deny that he’s a bit awestruck by it all. 

So is Dan. Phil glances over at him and he can see his eyes wide with wonder, looking like a little kid waking up to a pile of presents on Christmas morning, and the smile on his face is so wide, Phil’s never seen him look so happy before. 

“So,” Phil says, and Dan looks over at him. “Where do we start?”

“I promise we won’t stay long,” Dan reassures Phil. “I don’t want to force you to hang out here -”

“Dan,” Phil interrupts with a short laugh. “Trust me, I’m glad to be here. Now,” he smiles at him. “Where do we start?”

* * *

Even though Dan said they wouldn’t stay long, they end up staying for hours and Phil doesn’t mind it one bit. He enjoys the botanical gardens more than he thought he would, despite not knowing anything about flowers - or Latin, because, unbeknownst to him, a lot of flower names originated Latin. Dan knew that however, not that Phil is surprised, and he has no problem helping Phil pronounce the names and then give him a couple of facts or two that he knows. They haven’t stumbled across a single type of flower that Dan can’t talk about, and Phil finds that he never tires of hearing Dan speak. Under normal circumstances he would find something like this boring, but when it’s Dan talking he can’t get enough of it.

But what he enjoys the most is seeing Dan’s face light up at everything he sees, the way he chatters away and tells Phil facts about flowers and plants, the way he’s almost shaking with glee. Phil’s never seen someone so happy before and that alone makes him happy, not because he was a leading cause of this happiness, but because happy is a good look on Dan and god, he just wants to grab him and kiss him.

Phil almost stops walking when that thought crosses his mind and where the _fuck_ did that come from? 

Phil’s never wanted to kiss anyone besides Lucy before, yet here he is right now thinking about kissing Dan and there’s so much wrong with this because Phil’s engaged and he shouldn’t be thinking about kissing anyone besides his fiancée. 

And Dan is his best friend, you shouldn’t want to kiss your friends; there are lines, boundaries, and some of them just should not be crossed and Phil feels like even though he hasn’t physically done anything, he’s tiptoeing on these lines. 

And Dan is a _boy_ , and of course there’s nothing wrong with kissing boys, but Phil’s never been in a situation like this before and he’s never wanted to kiss a boy before, _really_ want to kiss a boy before (aside from Matt Bellamy, but he doesn’t count because he’s actually a godsend and who wouldn’t want to kiss him?), and holy shit he’s kind of freaking out now. He doesn’t know what this means - does he really have an unconscious desire to kiss Dan? Does he have an unconscious desire to _be with_ Dan?

Phil would be lying to himself if for the past few weeks he hadn’t been thinking of Dan more than usual; thinking of his smile and his dimples - god, Phil’s never seen someone with dimples as deep as Dan’s, it’s like you could plant roses in them. He thinks about Dan’s warm brown eyes, the kind of brown that resembles the center of a sunflower. He thinks about his laugh, and the way he’s constantly fixing his hair, and the way he twiddles his hands with he’s anxious. He’s tried to convince himself that it doesn’t mean anything, but the thoughts haven’t stopped and fuck, it means something - Phil would be lying if he tried to convince himself that it _didn’t_ mean anything. 

But the thing is that it can’t mean anything; he’s engaged and in love with is fiancée, he can’t want to kiss anyone else, he can’t want to be with anyone else. And Dan is his best friend, he’s going to ruin their friendship if Dan ever finds out about this. He just needs to take these feelings and bottle them up and then throw the bottle into the ocean and let the tide take it away and make it so he’ll never have to deal with them again.

* * *

Despite the fact that their trip today was technically Phil’s birthday present to Dan, he still feels a bit like a crap friend for not having a proper present for him - and he feels even crappier for not knowing it was his birthday in the first place. So all day he wracks his brain for gift ideas for Dan, but he keeps hitting dead ends, and just when he’s about to give up he spots a gift shop not too far from where they’re currently standing. It’s a cheap idea - literally - but it can’t hurt to look. He excuses himself from Dan, telling him he’s going to go to the bathroom, and then heads over to the shop, fingers crossed that he might find something that won’t make a horribly shitty present. 

He walks inside, smiling at a sales worker as he does so, and he starts walking around. With no true destination he figures he must look a bit like a lost puppy at the moment, but he’s waiting to see if anything jumps out at him; waiting to see if he sees anything that just screams _Dan_. 

There isn’t much to begin with; mostly t-shirts and posters, a few postcards here and there, and an extensive collection of keychains. He pauses to look at them for a moment, pushing the rack around in circles and perusing through the assortment of flowery charms and chains. After looking for a bit and ready to give up and call it a day, a single red rose keychain catches his eye. It seems to stand out amongst the others, it’s so bright and shiny and there isn’t another keychain like it. In a way it kind of reminds him of Dan; he’s never met another person quite like Dan, and like a rose in bloom, Dan is as breathtaking as they come. 

Phil takes the keychain off of the rack to examine it more closely. It’s been sculpted in such a lifelike way that it actually resembles a rose, unlike some of the other keychains which are flat and cartoon-y looking. The rose itself dangles on a short silver chain and it’s accompanied by a green leaf. 

It’s perfect. 

He pays for the keychain, then pockets it so Dan doesn’t suspect a thing, and he exits the gift shop with a wide smile on his face. Something tells him that Dan is going to love this. 

* * *

As they go through their tour, Dan tells Phil all the facts he knows about the flowers and plants throughout the gardens and even though Phil has no clue what he’s on about, he listens with the utmost sincerity and he finds that he’s genuinely enjoying Dan telling him everything and anything he knows. He loves how passionate Dan is about flowers, how animated he gets when he talks. And Phil finds that, not for the first time that day, he’s paying more attention to Dan than the flowers.

Hours pass and Dan and Phil find that they unintentionally spent the entire day at the botanical gardens; the sun has gone down and there’s an announcement over the speakers reminding everyone that closing is in ten minutes, and Dan laughs a little. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to keep you here all day,” he says to Phil.

“Don’t worry about it,” Phil tells him, giving his shoulder a little squeeze. “I had a really great day with you.” Dan just smiles at him, and Phil wants to say more when his phone vibrates in his pocket and he’s suddenly reminded that he hadn’t called or texted Lucy in hours. “I’ll be right back,” Phil tells Dan and he sneaks away, pulling his phone out of his pocket and he rings Lucy. 

_“Hey!”_ Lucy greets him upon answering his call. _“Are you on your way home? I was going to start dinner?”_

Phil bites his lip. “Yeah about that, um, actually,” he starts. “I’m… Something came up at the BBC.” he blurts out before he can stop himself, and he doesn’t know why he’s lying because it’s just Dan, and Lucy knows he and Dan are friends so why is he making it such a big deal that they’re together tonight? Why is he lying? “And I have to stay for a bit longer.”

 _“That’s okay,”_ Lucy says and Phil exhales slowly, but he doesn’t feel any relief. _“Just let me know when you’re on your way home.”_

“Okay, I will,” Phil says, and he ends the call before he can spout out any more lies, not before telling Lucy he loves her, leaving him feeling sick to his stomach. 

He doesn’t know what’s going on; one minute he was a happily engaged man with no doubts or concerns or anything getting in the way of their wedding, and now there’s Dan and Phil doesn’t know what to do or what to think or what to feel, and _god_ is he confused. He loves Lucy, he’s going to marry Lucy, he and Lucy have been together for years and they’re going to be together for more years to come - but when he’s with Dan, he feels the way he did when he first met Lucy; light headed and giddy and he can’t stop smiling and he feels like he’s taken a permanent residence on cloud nine. And if that wasn’t enough of a problem, he’s starting to realize that he doesn’t feel this way with Lucy anymore. 

“Hey, you,” he hears Dan say and Phil shuts his brain off because he doesn’t want to ruin the rest of their evening with his overthinking. “The garden’s closing soon, but I was wondering if I could take you out to dinner at least?” Dan asks him, almost hesitantly but he’s smiling a lot at and Phil’s stomach is doing flips. “You know, to make up for what was probably a really lame evening.”

Phil chuckles a little. “Well first of all, this wasn’t a lame evening - I had a lot of fun, especially since I was with my best friend,” Dan looks down at his feet but Phil can see the smile stretching across his face, the blush coloring his cheeks, and god he just looks so cute right now - no, scratch that, when _doesn’t_ Dan look cute? “Um,” Phil snaps out of his thoughts. He needs to stop doing this. “S - second of all, I’d love to have dinner with you.” 

Dan looks at Phil through his fringe and Phil resists the urge to brush his hair out of his eyes. “Okay,” he says softly, shyly. And the two of them walk to a local restaurant where they share a booth and they teasingly kick at each other’s feet while they eat, and Dan is just so cute and Phil just can’t stop smiling.

Looks like the tide is sucking him under, and all of those feelings for Dan are drowning him once again.

* * *

“Today was incredible,” Dan says as he and Phil walk through London streets illuminated by city buildings and cars driving by. Their hands brush lightly as they walk too close to each other, but neither of them acknowledges it. “I had the best time ever, I can’t even thank you enough for this Phil.”

Phil chuckles a little. “Don’t worry about it, you’ve done so much for me over the past few months,” he says. “And besides,” the two of them come to a stop right outside of Dan’s apartment and they lock eyes as Phil says, “This was the most fun I’ve ever had.” Dan doesn’t say anything for a moment, nothing needs to be said, and he just smiles at Phil and Phil smiles back until he breaks the silence by saying, “Oh! Before I forget,” he reaches into his pocket and takes out the keychain, sliding his finger through the metal keyring and dangles it before Dan’s eyes. “Happy birthday!”

Dan’s jaw drops. “When - where - what?” he stutters.

Phil chuckles a bit, anxiously adjusting his glasses with his free hand. “I wanted to get you a birthday gift,” he tells him.

“The - you took me out today, that was my present,” Dan replies, and he seems so confused by the fact that Phil got him a gift, it’s precious. 

“I wanted to get you a proper gift,” Phil says. “It’s not much, but I saw it today and it made me think of you,” he hands the keychain off to Dan, who holds it tenderly between his fingertips. 

Dan’s speechless for a moment, and he can’t even choke out a thank you because he honestly feels like he might cry a little and he doesn’t even know _why_. He’s received a lot of birthday presents over the past twenty-three years, but for some reason this little keychain is already very special to him. Maybe it’s because roses are his favourite flower and Phil had no idea before he bought him this, or maybe it’s because the person who gave it to him is so special to him. 

“Thank you,” he finally manages. “It’s beautiful, I love it.” 

Phil’s smile widens. “That's okay,” he says. He watches as Dan immediately puts his new keychain onto his keyring with his work and house keys, and its dangles next to the keys, the red colour of the rose shining brightly amidst the dull silver colours of his keys. And once again, Phil thinks of Dan because amidst a world of band weeds, Dan is a bright red rose that grows tall and proud. “So,” Phil clears his throat, catching Dan’s attention once more. “It looks like our evening together has come to an end.” 

“You know,” the younger boy gives Phil a coy smile. “If this was a date, this would be the part where I invite you inside.”

Phil smirks and before he can even really think about it, he says, “Too bad it wasn’t a date,” and as the words leave his lips, his eyes widen in shock, a look of ‘did I just say that?’ clouding his features. Dan’s mouth is open, like he wants to say something but doesn’t know what, and he just stands there, red in the face and speechless. “Uh,” Phil clears his throat at an attempt to break the silence and once again, he fumbles with his glasses anxiously. “I - I had a great day today.”

“Did you?” a small and shy smile tugging at Dan’s lips, and he rubs the back of his neck. “It really meant a lot to me that you came today.”

Phil shrugs. “It’s no big deal -”

“Yeah, it is,” Dan cuts in gently. “Today was one of the best birthdays I’ve had in a long time,” he says, nothing but sincerity in his tone, and after a brief pause he says, “Thank you.”

“That’s okay,” Phil tells him, and he can’t help it; he opens his arms, beckoning Dan in for another hug, and Dan graciously accepts his offer. His arms wrap around Phil and he holds him close long enough for Phil to realize that they’ve been hugging for far too long. And Dan pulls back just slightly enough to look at Phil, and he has this look in his eyes as he glances from Phil’s eyes to his lips, and then he leans in just slightly and Phil’s heart just about stops because _holy shit_ is Dan about to kiss him? 

But Dan stops himself, as if realizing what exactly he was going to do, and with wide eyes he takes a couple of steps away from Phil. And the crazy thing is, Phil finds himself wishing that he hadn’t. 

“Uh, th - thanks again!” Dan blurts out, clearly embarrassed and uncomfortable, and he says “Goodbye!” before turning to run inside of his apartment, not even waiting around to hear if Phil says, “Goodbye,” in return - which he doesn’t because his mind is clouded with thoughts of Dan kissing him and for the rest of the night, even after he’s climbed into bed with his fiancée, it’s all he can think about.

* * *

To say that Phil is confused would be one hell of an understatement. 

He's starting to think that he may really have feelings for Dan now - feelings he must definitely should not be having because he's engaged to be married. And this is wrong on so many levels, and it’s kind of cheating even though he hasn’t done anything with Dan - physically. He’s still _thinking_ about Dan in a way that an engaged man should not; the only person he’s supposed to think of his his fiancée, the only person he _should_ be thinking of is his fiancée, not a six foot three messy haired twenty-three year old with dirt under his nails and a consistent aroma of flowers surrounding him. 

But even more confusing and complicated than that, Dan is a boy. And there’s nothing wrong with boys liking boys, but Phil's never had real romantic feelings for a boy before. Sure, there are a few guys that he finds to be aesthetically pleasing, but he’s never gone as far as to have a crush on a boy before. And then Dan comes around, and now Phil feels the way he felt when he met Lucy for the first time - a stomach full of butterflies, unable to focus on anything but him, smiling all the time. He can deny it all he wants, but he’s got a proper crush on Dan and it’s going to end up making him insane, because Dan is beautiful and perfect and intelligent and sweet and _a boy_. 

So what does this mean for him? Is he gay? Is he bisexual like Dan? Is he some weird sexuality that has a preference strictly for brunettes with warm brown eyes and dimples? Phil doesn’t know, and the more he thinks about it and tries to make some sense of it, the more confused he finds himself so he decides that there’s only one way to give himself an answer.

He’s going to watch porn. 

It makes sense - if he’s attracted to men, then he’s going to enjoy gay porn, right? He’s seen straight porn before, mostly when he was a horny teenager and needed to get off, and even though straight porn can be really weird, when it’s done well enough it does turn him on. So he assumes gay porn will have the same effect on him, especially if he’s attracted to men like he thinks he might be. 

He opens a new window in incognito window, because he definitely does not want this in his search history, and then he anxiously mutes his laptop (in doing so, he realizes he should probably have some headphones with him, but he’s finally got the nerve to actually do this, he doesn’t want to lose it now) because he hasn’t been on a porn website in the longest time and he doesn’t exactly know what to expect. The little incognito window icon stares at him from behind it’s judgemental sunglasses, making Phil feel like he’s a teenager looking at porn for the first time and he can’t shake the feeling like he’s doing something _bad_ \- which, when he was a teenager he kind of wasn’t, but now he is because he’s engaged and about to embark on a journey of balls and cock because he thinks he has feelings for his best friend. 

He reminds himself that this is just research, that it doesn’t have to mean anything. It’s like he’s a scientist, testing a hypothesis. No need to feel weird about this; there’s nothing weird about scientific research.

He drums his fingers on the side of his laptop for a moment, trying to think of the name of a porn website he could visit - he is a bit out of touch, he hasn’t watched porn in a long time. Finally he just settles on a classic - xtube - and he quickly types it into his search bar before he can change his mind. The first thing he sees is _18+Warning: Adults Only!_ , followed by _Who are you…?_ and _Who do you like…?_. Inhaling deeply, hoping to melt away the tension in his chest, he selects _‘I am male’_ and _‘I like male’_ , and biting his lip, he clicks on the green button that reads, _Show Me XTube_.

Almost instantly, Phil’s overwhelmed by the sight of penises and asses, and when he scrolls down he sees images of men giving blowjobs and he squirms uncomfortably in his bed. Anxiously, he brings his free hand up to bite his nails; he doesn’t even know where to start. 

He inhales again, and he decides to just pick a category and go from there. He muses over his options, still not knowing where to start but he thinks he knows what to avoid; he’s definitely not going to start with anime or BDSM, and he thinks he’s going to veer away from fisting right now. After several wrong turns - including a five star video of a guy coming on cheese crackers and learning the hard way what fursuits are - he finally settles on just masturbation videos and he decides to go from there. 

He selects a video of a pretty attractive guy, and he bites his lip anxiously as the video loads and starts to play. After watching this man stroke his dick and balls for a few seconds, he decides that he isn’t sure if he’s turned on by this or not, so he takes the risk and not only unmutes his laptop, but puts the video in fullscreen. The sounds of the man in the video sighing and gasping lightly as he strokes himself fill the air, the sound travelling around Phil’s room, seeming louder than it actually is. The man lets out breathy moans every so often and Phil sighs a little himself, finding that he can’t take his eyes off of his computer screen. As the man’s hand starts to move faster, Phil’s mind is now drifting to Dan, and he’s imaging the younger boy splayed before him, naked as the day he was born and touching himself for Phil’s eyes only. He closes his eyes and imagines it’s Dan exhaling these soft, breathy moans, his eyes shut and his head tipped back as he touches himself, biting his lip just slightly as he arches his back into his hand. 

“Phil, I’m home!” 

Phil’s eyes widen in shock and horror; he checks the time, Lucy’s home early. His heart nearly stops and if he wasn’t sweating before, he was definitely sweating profusely now and with shaking hands he presses the esc. button on his laptop while simultaneously trying to silence his laptop and close the window completely - and of course his laptop freezes as he’s trying to do all of that, the scene of two males having sexual relations currently occupying the entire screen of his laptop because he just _had_ to watch the video fucking full screen. Swearing under his breath, he presses down on the power button and holds it down until the screen goes black, just as Lucy walks into their bedroom. 

“Hey,” Lucy smiles as she walks into her and Phil’s room, placing her bags down on the floor and leaning over to kiss Phil’s cheek. “What have you been up to all day?” 

Phil licks his lips nervously and shrugs. “Nothing,” he says simply. 

* * *

After the porn incident, which Phil is mostly trying to forget about, he finds that his problems haven’t been solved in the slightest. In fact, he thinks now he has a few more problems to tack onto his seemingly ever growing list. 

If he learned anything from watching the video, he’s pretty certain that at the very least he’s bisexual - or maybe just Dan-sexual, as he did end up thinking of Dan while watching it - but he’s also pretty certain that now he has feelings for Dan, and he just… can’t. He can’t have any kind of feelings for Dan that aren’t strictly platonic; he’s engaged to be married - he’s in the process of planning his wedding for fuck’s sake. And he has a fiancée who loves him more than she should, and Phil feels terrible that recently he hasn’t been sure about how he feels about her and their relationship anymore. And because he doesn’t know how to deal with these feelings, it’s going to make things awkward between him and Dan, and it’s not fair to Dan that Phil is inevitably going to ruin everything between them and shatter the glass wall that is their friendship. 

Phil hates this, and maybe he hates himself a little bit. He’s a terrible person. Why did this have to happen? Why did he have to start liking Dan? Why did it have to happen _now_? Why couldn’t he and Dan have met a few years earlier? 

His heart nearly stops when he thinks that. He can’t believe that he still finds himself thinking of Dan, even though he knows it’s wrong of him to want to be with someone aside from Lucy. If that isn’t a testament of how fucked up he is, how fucked up this whole situation is, he doesn’t know what is honestly. 

He needs to do something about this, because doing nothing clearly is not going to solve anything, so once again he’s going to do the only thing he can do: he’s going to avoid Dan as much as possible. He knows it’s a bit dramatic of an approach and he knows in doing so, he’s more than likely going to hurt Dan’s feelings - but he has to do it. Being around Dan only heightens his feelings and makes him want to give into the urges he’s feeling, and he just can’t do that. He needs to repress these feelings someway, somehow, and if seeing less of Dan will help him do it, then so be it.

It goes on for a few weeks; he doesn’t go to Dan’s shop anymore, doesn’t return Dan’s text messages. When Lucy suggests meeting with him to talk more about the wedding, he lies about asking him to set a date aside. And he feels like the world’s biggest asshole, and he isn’t even sure if it’s actually helping him cope with is crush at all. So essentially, he’s being an asshole for no reason - fantastic. 

And then Phil’s phone vibrates one morning and when he goes to look at the screen, he sees that it’s Dan calling him (he also sees that he’s changed his name in his phone from just ‘Dan’ to ‘Dan’ with the emoji of the brown haired boy and the bouquet emoji next to it, and he might not remember when he changed it but he knows that now emojis are involved, he’s definitely in way too deep). He contemplates answering it for a moment, then he hates himself a little for even debating on whether or not he should talk to Dan or not; this is his problem, not Dan’s, and when it comes down to it, Dan is still his friend and he shouldn't alienate him like that. 

He answers. “Hello?”

 _“Phil? Hey, it’s Dan,”_ he sounds timid, and Phil pictures him biting the inside of his cheek as he shifts from foot to foot anxiously. 

“Hey, Dan.” Phil realizes this is the first time in days, maybe weeks, that he’s actually said his name aloud, and he comes to realize that saying, even hearing, Dan’s name sounds like home. 

_“Long time no talk, huh?”_ Dan asks, shooting for normalcy despite the fact that things have gotten just a touch awkward between him and Phil, due to the fact that Phil has been definitely avoiding him. _“How’ve you been?”_

“I’m good,” Phil tells him. “Mostly busy with work. And you know… wedding things. Mostly work though.” he pauses. “Sorry I’ve been kind of distant lately,” he says. “I’ve just been -”

 _“Busy, yeah I figured,”_ Dan says. _“Yeah, I get it, don’t worry about it. I just…”_ he trails off, falling silent.

“You what?” Phil asks, because he can’t bear not knowing what Dan’s thinking.

Dan sighs a little. _“I miss you, is all.”_

Phil feels like he’s been stabbed in the heart, only he’s done it to himself and he has no one to blame but himself. He’s been a terrible friend to Dan lately, and he can’t believe he thought that avoiding him would solve all of his problems. Regardless of his feelings towards Dan, he shouldn’t have let it affect their friendship. 

“I miss you too,” Phil says, and he promises himself that he’s going to right his wrongs now. He’s going take these feelings for Dan and repress them as much as possible because he isn’t going to let himself ruin his and Dan’s friendship any more than he already has. 

* * *

A few days later, Lucy goes away to Manchester to visit her family, and she won’t be back until tomorrow, which means Phil will be home alone for the time being. Usually he doesn’t mind the alone time - gives him a chance to catch up on any work he needs to get done or watch some of his favourite shows that Lucy doesn’t like. But today he’s got nothing to do and by mid-afternoon he’s so damn _bored_ \- it should honestly be a crime to be this bored. So instead of lurking around the house doing nothing for hours, he decides to get out for a while.

Against his better judgement, Phil ends up at Dan’s flower shop. He hates that he’s tried to convince himself not to go today because Dan is his best friend, and regardless of him having feelings for him or not, he shouldn’t put their friendship in jeopardy because of that. Besides, for all Phil knows, his little crush on Dan could be a temporary thing - maybe being surrounded by so many flowers messed with his mind and he made himself believe that he had feelings for Dan.

But when as soon as he steps into the shop and sets eyes on Dan, he’s hit with a whirlwind of emotion and he believes that maybe he’s just lying to himself. Maybe he really does have feelings for Dan. 

He shakes his head, telling himself to focus and to stop being such a prat, right now, before walking up to the front desk where both Dan and Louise are lounging around the front desk, looking utterly bored. He doesn’t blame them; the shop is pretty much vacant, so he assumes they probably didn’t have many customers today. 

“Hey, guys!” he says, catching their attention. 

Dan looks up almost immediately and smiles widely. “Hey four eyes,” he says teasingly.

Phil touches his glasses and chuckles a bit. “It’s not nice to make fun of the visually impaired,” he says. Dan laughs a little, the smile on his face is still as big and bright as ever and Phil refuses to believe that butterflies are inhabiting his stomach because of it. “What are you guys up to?” he asks them.

“Oh, you know,” Louise says, not looking up from the plant catalogue she’s currently sifting through. “The usual afternoon rush. It’s utter chaos.” 

Phil laughs a bit; Louise’s sarcasm is probably his favourite thing about her. He then turns to Dan, and the first thing he notices is the patch of red against his black jeans, and upon further inspection he can see that it’s the rose keychain he gave him for his birthday peeking out of his pocket. Phil swallows down another swarm of butterflies that have taken flight in the pit of his stomach, and he asks “So since you’ve kind of got the afternoon free, did you maybe want to sneak away for a while?” 

Dan’s cheeks go red almost immediately. “I - I don’t know,” he stutters, and Phil kind of hates him for being so damn adorable all of the time. 

“Oh, go on,” Louise insists, and she looks around the empty shop for dramatic effect before saying, “I’m pretty sure I can hold down the fort.” 

So it’s been settled and without further argument, Dan hangs up his smock, and he and Phil exit the shop and walk around together for a bit, trying to come to a conclusion as to what they should with their time. “You can decide today,” Dan tells Phil. “Since last time we properly hung out, I basically decided what we were going to do.”

“First things first, let’s have some lunch - I’m starved,” Phil tells him. 

“Lunch is always a good idea,” Dan agrees. 

“We can eat outside,” Phil suggests. “You know, since it’s so nice - we can go to the park!” 

Dan stops walking for a second. “Like… a picnic?” he asks.

Phil bites his lip. “I - I mean,” he stutters. “If you think it’s stupid or something, I’m sure we could find, like, a bench or -”

“A picnic sounds great Phil,” Dan interrupts, and he smiles at Phil reassuringly and that’s how they’ve decided to spend their afternoon. They quickly stop by Phil’s house for a blanket and a picnic basket, then take a detour to the shops to get sandwiches and other snacks for them to eat, and then they’re off to the park, where they set their things up in a slightly secluded area underneath a large tree. 

“Oh, look!” Dan points to the tiny plethora of dandelions growing alongside their blanket and he take a seat, legs crossed, and he starts plucking them from the ground, telling Phil, “Make a wish!” 

Phil sits down on the blanket as well and he asks, “Do dandelions actually have anything to do with making wishes? Like, is that their meaning?”

Dna chuckles a bit. “Technically no,” he says. “Dandelions are connected to intelligence, and yellow dandelions - you know the ones that look more like flowers - are symbolic of joy. But the white dandelions, these ones,” he gestures to the dandelion in his hand. “Are symbolic of new beginnings, which is probably why people make wishes on them.” 

“Makes sense.” Phil says, and then he closes his eyes, taking a deep breath and he blows on his dandelion, all of the seeds flying off. A few fly towards Dan’s face, which makes him laugh and he rocks back on his legs a little, smiling widely. 

“So,” he starts, “What’d you wish for?”

“Well I can’t tell you that.” Phil says. “If I tell you, it won’t come true.” 

“Fair enough,” Dan says with a coy smile, and then he blows on his dandelion, the seeds flying into the air the same Phil’s had.

“So what’d _you_ wish for?” he asks Dan.

 _‘You,’_ Dan thinks, but he keeps that thought to himself and he just smirks a little instead. 

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” he asks. Phil smiles a little at him, and Dan is so captivated by his eyes and his smile and his entire being that just says the first thing that comes to his mind, which happens to be “Did you know that a cup of chopped dandelions is twenty-five calories.” 

Luckily, Phil doesn’t call him out on how stupid he sounds, and he laughs - not in a “laughing at you” type of way though; it’s a genuine laugh and it makes Dan’s stomach flip. “Well, it’s a good thing we packed some proper food,” he says, and he opens their picnic basket. 

* * * 

They spend the duration of their meal seated across from each other and talking as much as they can in between eating, and even after their food is finished, they still remain seated together, talking about anything and everything. They jump from topic to topic, not quite sure how they end up from one extreme to the next but neither of them question it and they just keep the conversation flowing. At one point,they find themselves talking about tattoos, and how Phil would want to get a Buffy the Vampire Slayer related tattoo, because he loves Buffy, and maybe some space related ones because he loves space. “Maybe one day I’ll even get the names of my children tattooed on me somewhere. Probably on my chest, y’know, over my heart,” he tells Dan. “Cheesy, I know.” 

“No, it’s sweet.” Dan tells him with a smile, his face going red at the thought of Phil with tattoos.

“Well what about you?” Phil asks him. “What tattoos would you get?” 

“Well,” Dan bites his lip. “I kind of already -”

Phil’s eyes go wide. “You have a tattoo?” he asks excitedly, cutting him off before he can finish his sentence. 

“Well, tattoos,” Dan admits. “There’s a couple of them all in one spot.”

“That’s so cool!” Phil smiles. “Can I see them?” 

Dan hesitates; truth be told his tattoos aren’t the definition of masculinity and he’s been called a few choice words before when he’s shown them off. “You’ll probably laugh if I showed you,” he finally says. 

“I would never,” Phil insists, then he pauses. “Wait, is it on your butt or something?”

Dan laughs. “God, no!” he says. “It’s just - you’re probably going to make fun of me when you see them.”

“Dan, if you don’t want to show me, you don’t have to,” Phil reassures him. “But I promise I won’t make fun of you at all, okay?” 

Dan bites his lip, still hesitating. “Okay,” he finally says, and he grasps the hem of his shirt, lifting it up to reveal an array of watercolor rose tattoos along his ribcage. 

“Wow,” Phil breathes, and Dan braces himself for the teasing, but Phil just says, “That’s… beautiful. Wow.” 

Dan’s eyes go wide. He’s never gotten a reaction to his tattoos like this before - except for Louise, who thinks they’re “stunning”. But most people just ask him why he decided to get roses tattooed on him, why he has such a girly tattoo, why he wasted his money, some people even just flat out called them stupid. But he looks at Phil, and he looks at the way he’s staring at Dan’s tattoos with wide eyes and an utterly awestruck look on his face, and it makes him so happy. He should’ve known better than to think that Phil would judge him for his tattoos or call them stupid or make fun of him; Phil isn’t like that. Phil is sweet and kind, and he’s thoughtful and intelligent, and … he’s just perfect. 

Honestly, it’s no wonder Dan likes him so much. 

“They look so nice!” Phil gushes, still staring at Dan’s tattoos, resisting the urge to reach out and stroke the rose petals, and then he looks up at Dan. “Can you tell me about them?” he asks. “Like, why roses, what do they mean?”

“W - well,” Dan stutters a little, feeling only a little nervous just because he’s never been asked about his tattoos in detail before. “Roses are my favourite flowers,” he starts, then smiles a little at which. “Now you know why I loved that keychain so much,” 

“Are you serious?” Phil asks him. “I had no idea!”

Dan chuckles a bit. “It was the luckiest of all lucky guesses,” he says, then looks down at his tattoo. “Right, so this one,” he points to a red rose towards the top of the bunch. “I got when I had gotten accepted to uni, because I was studying botany so I found it fitting. Then when I graduated, I added a few more red roses, just because.” He points to an orange rose. “I added this one the day my shop opened - literally right after we closed I went out and got it because I was so proud and happy. And you can just barely see it but in the stem of that rose is the date the shop opened.” Next he points to the yellow roses. 

“And these yellow roses because yellow roses represent friendship and I added them when Louise and I had started getting closer, and she basically became my best friend. And I didn’t have a best friend for the first eighteen years of my life, so I thought it was only fitting to get something in her honor because she’s very important to me.”

“That’s sweet.” Phil smiles. “They’re all so nice, I love that they all have meaning to you.” he takes a closer look at Dan’s tattoos and then says, “What about the pink roses? They look fresh compared to the others.” 

“I actually got them recently,” Dan admits. “See, pink roses are representative of happiness, and I decided they’re fitting because I’m at a point in my life where I’m really happy; sure, there are a few setbacks every now and again, but overall, I’m really happy with myself and my shop and my life.”

“Wow.” Phil exhales again, because he hadn’t imagined that so much thought had gone into Dan’s tattoos. Looking at them, he feels like he’s looking into a part of who Dan really is, like he’s looking into his soul. “I think your tattoos are great,” he tells him. “Especially the new ones. It makes me happy that you’re so happy.”

Dan smiles shyly, lowering his shirt and looking down at his lap for a moment. “Well,” he starts. “Actually, I’ve been a much happier person ever since I met you.” 

Phil’s eyes go wide. “Really?” 

Dan nods. “Yeah you’re -” he stops for a moment, trying to collect his thoughts. How can he tell someone that before they were a part of his life, he felt like something was missing, and that now that he has them - for lack of a better term - he feels whole? How can he tell someone that even though he may be kind of in love with them, and even though he’s so fucked because he knows they’ll never be together, that he doesn’t care about any of that because having them in his life, even as just friends, makes him feel incredible, because they’re such an amazing person who brings light to his dark? 

“You make me really happy.” he finally settles on saying, and it’s nowhere near enough to describe how Phil makes him feel, but it’ll have to do for now.

Phil blushes a bit, and he tells Dan, “You make me really happy, too,” because it’s true; having Dan in his life makes him feel like he’s living a better life, living the best version of his life that he can live. Having Dan makes him feel like everyday he’s waking up in a fairy tale and Dan is the prince that’s going to save him from the dragon every single time without fail, or a movie and Dan is the love interest that’s way too good for him and honestly deserves better, but he ends up with him in the end. With Dan, Phil feels like he’s living one cliche after another, but now the cliches have meaning.

Dan smiles at Phil, and all the older boy can think is, _‘I’m fucked.’_

* * *

After eating they go for a walk, because frankly neither of them are ready for their evening together to come to an end, and they stroll through the park together, their hands brushing together every so often and Dan feels like he’s been doused in gasoline and Phil is lighting him on fire every time they touch, but he doesn’t mind, because Phil is worth burning for. 

“So,” Phil brings him out of his thoughts. “I’ve realized something.”

“Something being…?” Dan asks.

“Well you’re basically my best friend,” Phil says and Dan agrees. “But I don’t really know _that_ much about you.” 

“You know loads about me.” Dan insists. “We talk basically everyday.”

“Well, yeah,” Phil agrees. “But I don’t know much about your life, if that makes sense. I know your favourite Music album and your favourite book series, but I don’t know what you like to do besides your flower thing.”

Dan chuckles a little. “Flowers are kind of my life, so I’m always doing the ‘flower thing’ for the most part,” he says, shoving his hands in his pockets - Phil finds himself amazed that Dan can even fit anything besides his legs in his jeans because they’re so _tight_. 

“Are you close with your family?” he inquires. “Or have any other friends I don’t know about?”

Dan exhales through this nose. “My family still doesn’t understand why I - and I quote - threw away my life savings for a bunch of flowers,” Phil frowns when he hears that and Dan quickly adds, “Don’t worry; they’re getting more and more supportive about it. And as far as close friends go, aside from Louise, my best friend is my three year old goddaughter. Oh yeah, and there’s Chris too, but that’s about it for me.” he chuckles again, shaking his head. “Aren’t I the coolest?”

“I think you’re cool.” Phil tells him, and his tone is so genuine that it almost makes Dan want to cry because Phil genuinely thinks the world of him, for some unknown reason, and he can’t fathom how someone as amazing as Phil would care about someone like himself because Dan is a flower but Phil is an entire garden. But for some reason, another unknown one, Dan’s just lucky enough to be able to grow in Phil’s garden.

“If anyone’s cool it’s you, Mr. BBC Radio Show Host.” Dan tells him, after realizing that he was quiet for too long after Phil said that. “So what are some cool perks that come with the job?”

“A lot of travel,” Phil says. “I get to go backstage at some music festivals and award shows, which is always awkward because I have to be that annoying guy who shoves a camera and a microphone in Pete Wentz’s face.”

Dan smiles. “I’d probably pass out if I got to meet Pete Wentz. I used to cry to their music, you know?”

Phil laughs a little and tells him, “I’ll bring that up next time I interview them.”

“You better not!” Dan laughs, his eyes going wide, and when Phil says, “I think I might.” Dan playfully shoves him backwards, but he retaliates quickly and pushes Dan back and they’re like little kids despite the fact they they’re both in their twenties but neither of them seem to care. Laughingly, Dan goes to shove Phil again, but Phil brings his arms up to grasp at Dan’s forearms and the two of them end up wrestling a bit and laughing loudly (and Dan’s a bit of a cheater because every chance he gets he tries to tickle Phil). However since Dan and Phil both lack any coordination whatsoever, they end up falling over and Dan lands on top of Phil, lying on top of the older boy. 

Phil’s glasses fly off of his face and they both laugh, lying there a moment to catch their breath. And then then they lock eyes and Dan kind of realizes that he’s lying on top of Phil and his cheeks turn scarlet as he gets off of him, getting up to his feet, looking anywhere except for at Phil. 

“Oh, um,” he reaches down for Phil’s glasses and hands them to him. “Here.”

“Thanks,” Phil says, putting his glasses back on and he stands up as well, looking down so Dan doesn’t see how red his face is, and he wipes at his shirt as if it’s dirty, but it’s not; he just needs to do something with his hands because this is so incredibly awkward - it shouldn’t be, but it is, and neither of them know what to say right now.

Finally the two of them just resume their walk, but they still aren’t speaking and the silence is terrible and Phil can’t hope with it anymore. “Can I tell you something?” he finally blurts out, breaking the silence.

“Go ahead,” Dan says and he sounds a bit nervous about what Phil’s about to say. 

Phil hesitates, suddenly second guessing himself and doubting the idea that he should even open his mouth, but he finally just says, “I’m just… really glad we met.”

Dan doesn’t say anything for a moment, but he nudges Phil’s side with his own, and when Phil finally looks at him, he’s smiling and he says, “I’m really glad we met too.”

* * *

Dan and Phil’s day together slowly comes to a close as the sun sets and the moon is high in the sky when the two of them make it to their final destination for the night: the flower shop.

Dan fishes his work keys out of his pocket and Phil can’t take his eyes off of the rose keychain, still marveled by the fact that Dan carries it with him everyday. Dan unlocks the front doors and lets them inside, seeing as the shop has closed for the evening, and he turns on the lights as he and Phil step inside. 

“I really love your shop, you know.” Phil tells Dan, who shuts the door behind them. “It’s such a warm and welcoming place - and it smells amazing.”

Dan grins proudly. “It’s my home away from home.” he says. “Thank you though, I’m quite proud of this place.”

“You should be,” Phil tells him, lingering by section of roses. He picks up a single red rose and smells it, before turning to face Dan and handing it to him. “So, can I call myself psychic and guess that red roses are your favourite flower?” Phil asks him.

Dan chuckles lightly, accepting Phil’s rose, trying to ignore the way his heart starts racing at the older boy’s gesture. “I do love red roses,” he says. “But white roses are actually my favourite.”

“Why’s that?” Phil inquires. 

“Well,” Dan starts, looking down at the rose in his hand. “Roses in general symbolize love, and I’m pretty sure after me talking about my tattoos you know that each rose represents a different form of love. And call me a sap, but I’m one of those people who just love… well, love.” he shrugs a little. “It’s dorky, I know.”

“It’s not dorky, it’s cute,” Phil insists, and he bites his tongue, stopping himself from calling Dan cute as well. 

Dan smiles a little. “White roses, by the way, specifically mean loyalty and faith and humility and innocence, and they’re linked to purity as well. And pure love is real love if you ask me; no lies or secrets, just revolving around the two people in the relationship with no extraneous or unnecessary elements. You know, the kind of love that people write about, the kind of love that can make it through any and all obstacles, the kind of love that you fight for. And that’s the best kind of love.” Phil literally feels as if his breath has been stolen from him; he can’t fathom how poetic and beautiful what Dan just said was, and he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t _so_ attracted to him right now. “And besides,” Dan adds, handing Phil back the rose. He takes it and places it back with the rest of the roses. “Roses are my birth flower, so maybe it was meant to be that they’re my favourite.”

“Birth flower?” Phil asks.

“Yeah, you know how each month has a birthstone?” Dan asks, and when Phil nods he says, “Each month has a ‘birth flower’ too.”

“Oh, really? Could you tell me mine? It’s January.” Phil says.

Dan pauses in thought for a moment, biting his bottom lip. “Carnations, I believe,” he finally says. “I’m pretty sure carnations are your birth flower - that’s a good one, carnations are rich with symbolism,” he motions for Phil to follow him and he leads him over to a corner of the shop where a bunch of carnations are growing. “See, white carnations suggest pure love and good luck, light red symbolizes admiration, and dark red represents deep love.”

“Wow,” Phil breaths. “That’s incredible.”

Dan tears his gaze away from the flowers to look at Phil, a little startled by his choice of wording. “You really think so?” he asks. 

“Yeah, it’s all so interesting how every flower has a different meaning,” Phil tells him. Dan feels like his heart could stop at any moment; he’s never met another person who thought that, nevertheless someone who thought that carnations being rich with symbolism was something incredible. Even Louise, who has been listening to him ramble on about flower facts for years, never gave Dan a reaction like this when he told her what her birth flower was and what it meant. Phil’s either spent way too much time with him lately, or he genuinely enjoys and appreciates flowers, maybe not as much as Dan but in the same way that Dan does, and that alone manages to take Dan’s breath away. 

“What’s even more interesting is the fact that you know all of this,” Phil continues. “I mean, I know I tell you this a lot, but I really do think it’s so amazing.”

Dan’s face reddens. “Thanks.” he mumbles, averting his gaze away from Phil, because he can’t stand to look at him right now while he’s saying such sweet things to him. “So,” Dan turns on his heel and starts to walk a bit. “What’s your favourite flower?” he asks Phil, mulling around the shop. “Sunflowers, daisies, peonies -”

“Lilies,” Phil tells him, and Dan tenses up immediately. “Can you tell me that the lily means?”

“Um,” Dan hesitates. “I’m - I’m not sure,” he stammers. Wordlessly, Phil raises an eyebrow, clearly not buying it, and Dan just sighs. “You don’t want to know what the lily means,” he finally says.

“C’mon Dan! Tell me!” Phil whines, and he pouts a little and Dan groans to himself because Phil’s so cute, but there are lines, and some lines cannot be crossed, and Dan is tiptoeing on the edge right now and he’s about to fall. “What does the lily mean?” Phil asks again. 

Dan inhales. “The lily means…” he exhales, hesitates once again, and then finally, he locks eyes with Phil and he says quietly, “I dare you to love me.”

Silence follows after Dan says that, and Phil just stares at him for a moment. His mouth is slightly agape because he wants to say something, anything, in response to that but the words _‘I dare you to love me’_ are echoing in his head, drowning out anything he could ever manage to utter. Of all the flowers in the whole fucking world, his favorite had to mean _that_ and Phil’s never been that big on symbolism or finding hidden meanings in everyday things, but this is just something he cannot ignore. 

_‘I dare you to love me’_. Goosebumps break out on his arms - literal goosebumps appearing all because of what Dan had said to him, and Phil wants to blame it on the fact that the shop is a bit cold now, but he’d be lying. Phil’s been lying a lot lately - to Lucy, to Dan, and most of all, to himself. And he’s so sick of it, and for once, he doesn’t want to lie anymore. 

He likes Dan. He likes Dan _so_ much, and he likes him definitely more than he should at all. And he knows he that shouldn't, but he does and right now he doesn’t care about what’s wrong and what’s right, what he should feel and what he shouldn’t. Right now, all he cares about is Dan and those six little words that are still echoing loudly in the crevices of his mind.

And if Dan is daring him to love him, then challenge accepted. 

He steps forward, closing the gap between the two of them, and he places his hands on the sides of Dan’s face, pulling him in for a kiss. The moment their lips make contact, Phil swears that time slows down and the earth stops spinning and it’s like every single romantic comedy trope to ever exist is happening right now. 

Dan is rigid at first, unable to grasp that this is actually happening, convinced that he has to be dreaming and he’s going to wake up any moment. But it’s not a dream and Phil is really kissing him, and god, if this isn’t everything he’s ever wanted in the past several months. He places his hands on Phil’s hips, pulling him in unbelievably close, and even when they’re already skin to skin, Dan wants him closer. And all Dan can think right now is _I love you I love you I love you_ , and something tells him that Phil is thinking the same thing too. 

And then it hits him - Dan loves Phil, and Phil is kissing him, but Phil is engaged, and he’s cheating on his fiancée, and _oh my god_ , this can’t be happening. 

But it is, it’s happening. This is real life, and Dan and Phil are kissing, and Dan loves Phil probably more than he loves his shop and all of the flowers he could ever grow. And maybe - just maybe - Phil loves him back. 

This is _real life_ and even though Phil might love him, Phil is still engaged to someone who isn’t him.

Phil seemingly realizes it the same moment that Dan does, because as soon as the kiss has happened, it stops and Phil is backing away from Dan, a horrified look on his face. 

“Oh my god,” he whispers, because he’s disgusted with himself and all of the lines and barriers have now been completely erased and it’s all his fault.

“Phil, it’s - I’m so sorry,” Dan says, and Phil can’t believe that _he’s_ the one apologizing right now when Phil is the one who let his feelings cloud his judgment. He’s the one who made the biggest mistake ever; not only did he cheat on Lucy, but he’s leading Dan on and he’s going to hurt the two people he cares about the most, all because he’s such a fucking idiot. 

He can’t stay here anymore, he doesn’t trust himself around Dan for a single second longer, and so he just turns to push the shop door open roughly, ignoring the way it bangs against the outside wall and the way the bell jingles loudly as it opens, and he rushes out, running as fast as he can away from Dan. 

“Phil, wait!” Dan calls after him, running out of the shop as well. 

He imagined his first kiss with Phil so many times, but none of his fantasies ended this way - with the man that he loves running away from him and him feeling like his heart has been ripped out of his chest and stepped on. 

“Please, don’t go - I’m sorry!” he tries to tell him, but Phil doesn’t stop running and Dan just stands outside of his shop, watching as Phil’s figure gets smaller and smaller as he gets further and further away from him, trying to figure out just how and when everything went wrong. 

* * *

Phil’s out of breath and utterly exhausted when he arrives back to his apartment, and he quietly lets himself inside, hoping he doesn’t wake up Lucy as he makes his way into their flat. He can’t bear explaining to her why he’s coming home so late - hell, he can’t bear facing her in general right now. Just being in the same building as her is making him feel guilty; knowing that she’s lying in their bed, completely unaware that her fiancé just cheated on her, is killing him. She doesn’t deserve this, she doesn’t deserve _him_. He’s betrayed her trust and destroyed everything the two of them have ever had, not just by kissing Dan but by liking him at all, by having feelings for him, by wanting to be with him. Kissing Dan was just the icing on the cake.

He takes refuge on the couch tonight, unable to sleep in the same bed as Lucy after what he’s done. He lies down, closing his eyes and trying to shut his brain up so he can sleep and hopefully forget about everything for a few hours, but there’s no forgetting. Every time he closes his eyes, all he can see is Dan and all he can think about is kissing Dan, and he can’t believe that even after he’s ruined his marriage before it even happened he’s _still_ thinking about Dan. 

But he can’t help it. The day he spent with Dan was perfect, as is every day he spends with him. Being with Dan just makes him so happy, it makes him feel like he can do anything and everything. And he knows he should be focusing on his feelings of guilt and how he’s going to make this up to Lucy, but he can’t stop thinking about Dan and kissing Dan and hugging Dan and being with Dan - his entire train of thought is travelling on the Dan track, and he’s starting to realize just how entirely fucked he is because he loves Dan, and he wants to be with Dan. But he’s engaged, and he only only hurt Lucy but tonight he probably hurt Dan, and he has no idea how he’s going to fix any of this.

* * *

Phil ends up back at the flower shop the next day, still not having a clue as to how he’s going to fix everything, but he knows he needs to talk to Dan. 

Despite the shop being fuller than usual of employees and customers, when he walks inside, he and Dan lock eyes almost immediately, and the tension between them is so obvious it almost hurts to stand in the same room as him. “Hey,” he finally says.

“Hi.” Dan says, and Phil waits for him to finish up with a customer before he walks over to him and asks, “How are you?”

Phil doesn’t want to make small talk, not right now. 

“Can we talk?” he asks.

Dan licks his lips anxiously. “Yeah,” he says, and then motions for Phil to follow him to his office in the back. He shuts the door behind him, giving the two of them some privacy, and then turns to face Phil. Words fail him for a moment and all he can think about is kissing Phil and being with Phil, but also about how terrible he feels for kissing Phil because he knows it shouldn’t have happened and god, he just wants to know what Phil’s thinking because it’s been driving him crazy not knowing where he stands with him now. 

“What’s up?” 

Phil runs his fingers through his fringe, brushing it back to reveal his forehead and Dan realizes that if things were okay between them he could make the classic “your hair looks sexy pushed back” joke but now he knows that it would just be inappropriate and it sucks. Because once upon a time, Dan and Phil were the best of friends and now… now he doesn’t know what they are. All because of one kiss, and no matter how badly Dan wanted that kiss, he isn’t sure if it was even worth it now. 

“About yesterday,” Phil says. 

“Phil, I’m so, so sorry about that,” Dan says immediately. 

“You have nothing to be sorry for; _I_ kissed _you_ , I’m the one who fucked up,” Phil tells him, and Dan’s chest feels tight with anxiety at the idea of Phil thinking of him as nothing but a regret now. 

“Regardless, I shouldn’t have -”

“Dan!” an employee calls out his name, interrupting him. “There’s a customer here who wants you specifically.” 

Dan sighs, mumbling under his breath for a moment, and then tells Phil, “I’ll be right back,” and then he exits his office to see Lucy standing before him and his heart nearly stops. 

“Hey, Dan.” she smiles at him; she’s always smiling and Dan has no idea how. “Sorry to bother you at work, but I was wondering if we could talk for a minute?”

“Y- yeah,” Dan nods.

Lucy sighs a little, fiddling with her hands anxiously. “Right, I’ll just cut to the chase. Has Phil said anything about the two of us lately?” she asks him. 

“Only good things,” Dan speaks slowly, as if to make sure that he doesn’t catch himself saying the wrong thing - like the truth. “Like how much he loves you.”

Her smile falters a bit, not much but it’s noticeable and Dan feels terrible. 

“Well that’s good,” she says. “Things have been a bit distant between the two of us lately; like, we’re sleeping in the same bed but we might as well be in separate countries. I was just wondering if he had said anything to you, since you’re his best friend.”

“He hasn’t said anything,” Dan says quickly.

“I was mostly wondering if it was something I had done,” she continues, and it’s like a stab to the heart. 

“Luce, you didn’t do anything,” Dan reassures her, and if he wasn’t feeling guilt ridden before, he’s definitely feeling it now. 

“Thanks,” she smiles again, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. “Anyway, the main reason why I stopped by wasn’t to bother you with my relationship problems; I wanted to get some flowers for Phil, and I wanted your recommendation.” 

Dan sighs a little. “I’d go with red roses,” he tells her. He wants to add that she should wrap them in ivy because ivy represents fidelity but he doesn’t have the heart to mention that. 

“Great, thank you,” she buys a bouquet of roses for Phil, and then leaves the shop, and Dan just stands there for a moment feeling like he’s been punched in the stomach. 

He hears the sound of a door slamming and turns towards his office to see the back door wide open and Phil running out. “Phil!” he yells after him, shouting a hasty “I’ll be right back!” to whichever of his employees hear him, and then takes off running after him. “Phil!” Dan calls out. “Phil, wait!”

“I can’t believe this!” Phil finally stops running away, and Dan nearly crashes into him. “I’ve messed up everything - I’ve ruined everything!”

“You haven’t ruined everything,” Dan tries to tell him.

“I’m insensitive and an asshole, and _Lucy’s_ the one blaming herself!” he exclaims. 

“We can fix this, you can fix this!” Dan insists.

“How?” Phil demands.

Dan sighs a little, not wanting to say what he’s about to say, but he knows he has to; it’s the only way. 

“Tell me to go!” he blurts out, and Phil stares at him in disbelief. “Tell me that’s what you want; tell me to leave and that you never want to see me again, and I - I’ll leave right now. I’ll walk away and you’ll never see me again.”

“Is that what you want?” Phil asks him. 

Dan bites his lip, falling silent for a moment, and finally he utters, “…I want _you_.”

Phil closes his eyes, bringing his hands up to cover his face. He had been dreading hearing Dan say those words for days because now everything feels so much more real; because he could pretend for the longest time that he was living in a fairy tale and he could pretend that he was going to get a happy ending with a prince called Dan but in reality, it wasn’t not going to happen - it wasn’t supposed to happen. 

“Dan…” he finally sighs. “You make me feel things I absolutely cannot feel. I’m sorry but… I can’t. I – I just can’t.”

“I know,” Dan’s voice breaks a little, and Phil can’t resist pulling him in for one final hug. Dan buries his face against the crook of Phil’s neck and Phil holds him tightly, as if he has no intention of letting him go, but he knows he has to. “Don’t forget me,” Dan whispers to him. 

“I won’t remember anything else,” Phil whispers back, and reluctantly he breaks their hug and before he can do anything else he knows he’ll regret, he turns to walk away, leaving a teary eyed Dan standing in the aftermath of it all.

* * *

Dan can’t stop crying, and it’s stupid to cry so much over someone who doesn’t even want him, but fuck if his heart doesn’t hurt like hell right now. Knowing that Phil likes him but doesn’t want him is worse than knowing that Phil regrets kissing him, worse than falling for an engaged man. And he has no one to blame but himself because he’s such an idiot; why did he have to fall for Phil knowing it wouldn’t work out? Why did he have to care so much for someone he shouldn’t care about at all?

He takes the rest of the day off from work, unable to stop thinking about anything other than Phil at the moment - as well as unable to stop crying - and he rushes back to his apartment. But when he arrives there, he’s hit with the crippling reality that he’s so _alone_ and that he has no one at all. And maybe for a brief moment in time he had Phil but Phil doesn’t want him, he wants Lucy, and Dan doesn’t blame him but fuck, it just hurts because it’s not so much that he doesn’t have Phil in the way that he wishes he did but he doesn’t even have his best friend anymore. 

A breakdown follows almost as soon as Dan lets himself inside; it starts when he takes his keys out of his pocket and he sees the red rose keychain Phil had given him, and it’s all it takes for him to start full on sobbing. With trembling fingers he manages to get the keychain off of his keyring and he throws it at the wall, and he knows in a few hours when he’s calm and rational he’ll regret this but right now he never wants to see it ever again - hell, he never wants to see a red rose ever again. 

Why did Phil have to do this to him? Why did Phil have to give him a red rose, of all the keychains he could’ve given him? Why did Phil have to ruin his favourite flower for him? 

He doesn’t even make it to his bedroom or even the living room couch because he just drops down to the floor after that and he just cries. He cries for himself, for all the heartache he’s experienced lately. He cries for Phil and Lucy’s relationship that he undoubtedly ruined. He cries for his and Phil’s friendship that is simply no more. He cries for his and Phil’s relationship that will never be despite the fact that Phil loves him and he loves Phil, but it just wasn’t meant to be. 

In the midst of all his crying he’s managed to pick up his phone and dial Louise’s number, but he’s incoherent and he thinks he panicked her a little because she tells him she’ll be right over, and then the line goes dead. He remains seated on his floor until Louise shows up and he only moves from his spot to let her inside, and as soon as she sees him she engulfs him in a hug. Dan wishes Louise was taller than him because he wants nothing more than to just bury his face against her shirt and cry while she holds him and tells him it’s going to be okay. 

She takes a while to comfort him, the two of them standing there until Dan’s harsh sobbing has been reduced to pitiful whimpering and sniffling, and then Louise escorts him over to his couch where they both sit. 

“Do you want to tell me what happened?” she asks, reaching out to thumb away his tears. 

Dan brings his hands up to wipe his face. “I’ve wrecked everything,” he tells her, his voice breaking as he speaks, the familiar tension returning to his chest as he thinks about everything that’s happened lately. “My friendship with Phil, Phil and Lucy’s relationship - just everything, Lou. Everything’s gone to shit now and it’s all my fault.”

“Shh, shh, it’s alright,” she tells him, cupping his face in her hand. “I’m sure you haven’t wrecked anything,”

Dan just shakes his head, causing Louise to lower her hand. “Phil and I kissed,” he tells her, ducking his head down so he doesn’t have to see the look of shock on her face as she hears this. 

“L - last night after we spent the day together and I…” he paused for a moment, choked up as he starts crying again. “I love him.” he says, and it feels like his throat is closing around those three words as he chokes them out and it actually pains him to say it because it’s so true; he loves Phil. 

“God, Lou, I love him so much.” he tells her, wiping his eyes once more. “And I shouldn’t love him at all because all it’s done is make a mess of things from the start, and now things are the worst they could ever be and it’s all because I love him. I can’t believe what an idiot I am.”

“You aren’t an idiot,” Louise tells him immediately. 

“I wish I didn’t love him,” he admits to her, heaving a heavy sigh. And he isn’t sure if that’s true or not, but right now he’d give anything to fall out of love with Phil. 

“Dan, listen,” she starts. “You can’t help what your heart wants, okay? And I know loving Phil hasn’t been the easiest thing for you to deal with lately, and I know that it feels like everything is falling apart, but if you ask me you shouldn’t regret loving Phil.”

“Why not?” Dan inquires. 

“Does he love you?” Louise asks him, and the way she says it sounds like she knows what the answer is going to be but she wants confirmation. 

Dan sniffles a little. “No,” he says immediately, wiping his eyes but it doesn’t stop the fresh wave of tears that pool down his cheeks as he corrects himself and says, “Yes,” Finally, he just shakes his head and tells her, “I don’t know, it doesn’t matter.”

Frowning, Louise reaches out to brush Dan’s hair out of his eyes and when he looks at her, she says, “Little Bear, it’s all that matters.” she tells him. Dan’s composure crumples once more, and Louise pulls him into another tight hug. 

“Why aren’t I good enough for him, Louise?” Dan asks her, and he hates how fucking desperate and pathetic he sounds right now, but he’d be lying if that thought hadn’t been on his mind for weeks now. It’s not that he wanted to take Phil away from Lucy, he never wanted to hurt her or do any harm to their relationship. But it’s like Louise said, he can’t help what his heart wants and his heart wants Phil more than anything. And for about five minutes Phil wanted him too, but now he doesn’t; his decision has been made and it’s not Dan and it fucking _hurts_.

“Don’t say that,” Louise lightly scolds him. “There’s nothing wrong with you, you’re wonderful. And Phil thinks you’re wonderful too but Little Bear, he’s _engaged_. And I know how badly you wish that it was you that he was with, but he has a fiancée and maybe he does love you too but the fact remains that he’s engaged and he has a choice to make. And if he doesn’t choose you that doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you.” she breaks their hug and thumbs away his tears again. “It’s like the old saying goes; if you love someone set them free, and if they really love you they’ll come back.” 

Dan isn’t sure if that’s true, because there’s no way it can be that simple…

* * *

As Phil walks away from Dan he realizes that he doesn’t feel nearly as relieved as he expected to be; he should be happy this has happened, Dan is out of his life and he doesn’t have to dwell on his feelings for him anymore. And now he and Lucy can live happily ever after without a worry in the world. 

But he’s not happy, not at all. 

Because he can only deny it for so long, and the more he tries to walk away from it the more he realizes that he wants Dan. _God_ , he wants him. Maybe he’s wanted Dan from the start, from the first day he saw him in the shop blushing and flustered and rambling about flowers. Maybe it was the dimples and those deep brown eyes and his nervous laugh, maybe that’s the day he started falling for Dan. Or maybe it took time, maybe over the course of getting to know Dan and getting closer to him. Maybe it was learning how compassionate and kind Dan is, discovering his nurturing and dedicated personality, maybe that’s what made him fall for Dan. 

Maybe he doesn’t know how it happened but maybe it doesn’t matter; maybe what really does matter is the fact that Dan stole his heart and Phil doesn’t want him to give it back, his heart is Dan’s to keep forever and maybe Dan’s heart can be his to keep as well. But as soon as he thinks that, he sends that idea to the back of his mind. He hurt Dan, he left Dan, he’s been nothing but an utter twat lately as he tries to come to terms with his feelings and treating Dan like a paddle ball, pushing him away only to try and get him back moments later. And then this afternoon happened, and god if today wasn’t the icing on the cake. He’s ruined everything between the two of them and he’d only be so lucky if Dan could manage to forgive him after the way Phil’s been treating him. 

He kind of wants to cry as he continues to walk home because once again he finds that Dan is the only thing on his mind, and he should be thinking of Lucy and thinking about how he’s going to make this up to her. But once again, he’s thinking of Dan and he comes to the conclusion that it can only mean one thing.

He loves Dan. He really fucking loves Dan. 

* * *

He finally makes it back home and when he walks inside, he sees Lucy sitting at their dining room table with a bouquet of roses sitting on the table - roses he knows that are meant for him - and that’s when he realizes he can’t do this anymore. He may not be in love with Lucy anymore, but he does still care about her and he knows that she deserves better than him. She deserves to know the truth. 

“Hey, Phil,” she smiles at him. She goes to stand up and picks up the flowers, but Phil stops her.

“Luce, we need to talk,” he says. 

Slowly, Lucy sits back down once again, and Phil can see the sorrow that washes over her. “This is it, isn’t it?” she asks. “The talk?”

Phil licks his lips anxiously. “What - what talk?” 

“Phil…” Lucy sighs. “It’s over isn’t it? The wedding… us… it’s over.” 

Remorse courses through Phil’s veins and it feels as if it’s physically weighing him down, and he goes to take a seat at the dinner table across from Lucy. “I’m so sorry, Luce,” he tells her. “I - I feel like the worst person in the world - I _am_ the worst person in the world. And I’m sorry that I hurt you but…” he pauses for a moment, thinking carefully about what he’s about to say next before he decides to just say it. Lucy deserves to her it; she deserves the truth. “I can’t marry you knowing I don’t love you the same way you love me.” 

Lucy doesn’t say anything, she just shakes her head - almost as if this is what she was expecting to hear - and she looks down at the table top. She heaves a heavy sigh as she closes her eyes and Phil can see a stray tear make it ways down her cheek. 

“Oh, no, please don’t cry,” he pleads. 

Lucy huffs out a mock of a laugh. “My fiancé just told me he wants to call off the wedding, and I’m not supposed to cry?” she asks him. 

Phil feels like he’s been punched in the stomach. “I’m so sorry, Luce,” he says. “I never wanted to hurt you. You know I love you.”

“You’re just not in love with me,” she finishes for him, bringing her hand up to wipe her eyes. 

“I -”

“Was it something I did?” she asks him before he can say anything else. “Did I do anything wrong?”

“Not at all, I promise,” he says quickly. “Look, I know it’s a bit of a cop out, but it’s not you, it’s me. I promise it’s all me; you’ve done nothing wrong, you’re perfect and I care for you so much. I just can’t marry you.”

Neither of them say a word for a moment, and then Lucy tentatively speaks up. “It’s someone else, isn’t it?”

The air leaving Phil’s lungs when he hears her ask this and he honest to God can’t breathe for a moment. “Please don’t ask me that,” he tells her when he finally regains his breath, his voice so soft it almost doesn’t even reach his ears - or maybe he just can’t hear it over the sound of his heart racing. 

“Because I’m right, aren’t I?” she asks. “It is someone else.”

Phil sighs. He can’t believe this, he can’t believe this is his reality. He doesn’t know how he went from a happily engaged man who knew all he wanted to be with his university sweetheart to questioning everything he ever thought and felt and believed. He doesn’t know how he went from being just friends with Dan to possibly being in love with him. He doesn’t know how he went from being in love with one person to be in love with another. He doesn’t know anything anymore, all he knows is that his and Lucy’s relationship is ripping apart at the seams and this would be his last ditch effort to salvage everything, or to finally be open and honest with her and let fate take its course.

“Believe me when I say,” he starts, speaking slowly as he tries to figure out his next move. “That I tried _so_ hard…” he shakes his head a little; he can’t tell her how he feels about Dan. “I’m sorry,” he finally says. “I didn’t want it to be this way.” There. It’s been said, not clear as day or in so many words, but he’s said it. He’s told her the truth. And it should feel like a huge weight’s been lifted off of his chest but it doesn’t, not yet at least. 

Lucy is silent for a moment. “I’d thank you for being honest with me,” she finally says. “But I’m not feeling very thankful right now.”

“Luce-“

“But regardless of how I feel right now,” Lucy interrupts him. “I still care about you Phil. And I want you to be happy. And if he’s who makes you happy, then be with him.”

Phil’s jaw drops a little at Lucy’s choice of words, and faintly he utters, “… Him?”

She shakes her head. “Don’t insult me Phil, I’m not stupid,” Lucy tells him. “I could pretend that it was something I had done to drive you away, but I know he’s who you love. I could see it when you looked at him.”

“How…” Phil’s speechless yet again. “How did you know?”

Lucy doesn’t say anything right away. “Because,” she finally says. “You used to look at me that way.” 

Phil feels absolutely gutted and the fact that Lucy is taking this so well is somehow making things worse. In a way, he kind of wanted her to scream and cry and throw things at him and cause a scene, but she’s just so calm about all of this and so accepting and Phil just doesn’t understand. “I didn’t want this to happen,” he tells her. “I tired _so_ hard -”

“Phil, you can’t help who your heart wants,” she interrupts. 

Phil just shakes his head a little. “How are you so okay with this?” he asks. 

“I’m not,” she tells him. “And trust me, as soon as I’m alone I’m going to break out the ice cream and cry my eyes out, but…” Lucy reaches across the table for Phil’s hand, and she gives it a small squeeze. “Love is an unstoppable force Phil.” she tells him. “And if it’s him that you love… that means I’ve got to get out of the way.”

Phil smiles a little, albeit a sad smile, and he says, “I’m sorry, Lucy.” he stands up and Lucy follows his lead, walking over to him. They exchange one final hug and Phil looks down at her, brushing her hair out of her face and he whispers, “Goodbye.”

“Goodbye, Phil,” Lucy says, and with that, they pull away from each other and Phil turns to leave the apartment, not knowing where he’s going next but he knows _who_ he’s going to: Dan. 

* * *

He wants to go to Dan _right now_ and he wants to make a big scene of things and profess his love to him and tell him he’s sorry - but then he realizes that this is real life, not a romantic comedy, and if he’s going to take action he needs to do something he hasn’t been doing lately: think.

He rents a hotel room for the night, because it’s over between him and Lucy and it’d be inappropriate for him to stay the night at their house and it’d be even more inappropriate for him to take refuge at the BBC overnight, and he may be pathetic but he’s not pathetic enough to sleep on a park bench. So he shells out the money for a cheap room at a cheap motel and pays no mind to the fact that a drawer is falling out of one of the dressers and he buries his face into his pillows, closing his eyes and hoping to fall asleep almost immediately because frankly he’s exhausted. 

Sleep doesn’t come easily for him, however, because he can’t seem to shut his mind up for five minutes so he can rest, and as per usual his mind is racing with thoughts of Dan. His thoughts trade off from good to bad; remembering the times when Phil would see a bouquet of flowers in a shop window and he’d instantly think of Dan, so he’d quickly text him a picture, which would usually follow a series of excited texts from Dan, telling him that sunflowers represent longevity or the Turkish legend behind the meaning of red tulips. He remembers that even though he hadn’t a clue what Dan was talking about, those texts always made him smile. He remembers heading over to Game of Thorns on his lunch breaks while at the BBC, and even if the shop was jam packed with customers Dan always managed to sneak over to him, even if he was just able to say hello. And days likes those, Phil was often late heading back to work but any time spent with Dan was worth his boss giving him a lecture about showing up in the office twenty minutes after a meeting had begun. But despite all of the good memories he and Dan shared together, Phil finds that they’re easily overshadowed by him being unable to forget the look on Dan’s face as they hugged for the last time. Unable to forget the look of utter heartbreak as he told him, _I want you_. And even worse, he can’t forget the pain he must’ve caused Dan when he told him that he wanted him, but he didn’t stay. 

His phone is resting by his pillow and he keeps picking it up, ready to text or call Dan because he’s so desperate to talk to him, but then he changes his mind and he ends up hiding his phone under his pillow because he’s not going to get any sleep at this rate. Dan isn’t going to text him, or call him for that matter, and no matter how badly Phil wants to talk to him right now, he knows he can’t. They didn't end things on a positive note, and even though it wasn't a break up because they were never together, things between the two of them definitely feel broken right now 

And most of all, he can’t stop thinking of Dan telling him he wants him. Those three words - _“I want you”_ \- have been echoing in his mind all day, and even though it’s been hours since he last spoke to Dan, he can still hear him saying it clear as day. And hearing it over and over is bringing him more pain than anything, because Phil wants him, too. But he left him and maybe now it’s too late for him to do anything. He hurt Dan, something he had never wanted to do, and now he isn’t sure if there’s anything he can do to fix it.

But there’s still a part of him that thinks maybe it’s not too late. Because for the longest time he tried to diminish his feelings, but it had finally gotten to the point where he couldn’t suppress them anymore and he just had to accept it: he loves Dan. And now that he can finally admit it to himself, maybe that means there’s still hope for him and Dan to be together. There _has_ to be. 

Phil sighs and closes his eyes once more. His heart aches to be in Dan’s arms one last time but when thoughts like that cross his mind, it makes him think that it’s over - and it can’t be over, it hasn’t even properly started yet. And as he finally drifts off to sleep, all he can think of is that he and Dan deserve a second chance and he’s going to make sure that it happens. 

* * *

Before a flower dies, it wilts. Its leaves or even the flower itself become limp through heat, loss of water, or disease, and they begin to droop. That’s how Dan feels when he wakes up the next morning; he feels like he’s wilting. 

His body aches with fatigue; he had spent so much time crying over Phil, he barely slept a wink the night before. And waking up, he finds himself almost suffocated by the memories from yesterday and he immediately wants to cry once again. He misses Phil. And it’s so sad and almost pathetic because he needs someone so badly who doesn’t need him half as much. Phil loves him, he knows that, but Phil didn’t choose him. And it breaks his heart knowing that even though Phil loves him, Dan's not his first choice. 

Perhaps what sucks even more is that he isn’t even sure how to feel about all of this, other than sad which he’s felt nonstop since saying goodbye to Phil yesterday. But sometimes he feels angry - angry with Phil for hurting him like this, angry with himself for loving Phil so much in the first place. And then he’s confused because he isn’t sure if his anger is even justified; Phil didn’t _have_ to choose him over Lucy. Phil may love him, but Lucy is his fiancée for goodness’ sake - of course he was going to choose her. So really, even though his heart is broken, maybe he shouldn’t be angry with Phil. And the more he thinks about it, the more he isn’t sure if he should even be angry with himself. It’s like Louise told him, he can’t help who his heart wants and even though he tried not to love Phil, he loves him and that’s all there is to it. Why should he be angry over that? Why should he punish himself for loving someone?

When it all comes down to it, however, Dan just goes back to feeling sad. It’s only been a day, but he misses Phil, and even though Phil promised not to forget him, he worries that he’s going to go on with his life - a life sans Dan - and eventually move on, and he worries that one day Phil will fall out of love with him, and he worries that Phil is going to break his promise and eventually forget him.

Finally he just rolls out of bed because the longer he lies under his covers, the longer he’s consumed by thoughts of Phil, and he doesn’t want that. He refuses to spend the day sulking and sad; he needs a distraction. And what’s a better distraction than work?

He quickly showers then gets dressed, and takes a couple of minutes to search for his keys because he can’t remember what he did with them the night before. He finds them on his coffee table and his heart nearly stops when he sees the red rose attached to his keyring once again. He assumes Louise must’ve done this before he left; he called the night after he spent the day at the botanical gardens with Phil, and gushed over the fucking thing like a doey eyed schoolgirl. He picks up the red rose gently and contemplates taking if off his keyring all together - what’s the point of keeping it around when it’s just another reminder of Phil? And the last thing he wants right now is more things to remind him of Phil, right? 

But he can’t bring himself to do it, and he doesn’t know why but this keychain is still special to him. Phil is still special to him. 

He shoves his keys in his pocket, ignoring the way the rose feels heavy, like it’s weighing him down slightly, and he’s out of his flat in record time. He rushes to get to work even though he’s actually a bit early for his shift because he doesn’t want to waste any more time moping around and dwelling on Phil, and the more time he gets to spend with his flowers and at his shop, the better. 

“Dan!” Louise sounds surprised when she sees him walk inside the shop.

“Morning, Lou,” he says, trying to make himself sound as normal as possible and a lot less gloomy than he’s feeling.

“I didn’t think you’d come in today,” she admits as Dan grabs his smock. “Well actually, I was hoping you _wouldn’t_ come in today.”

“Why’s that?” Dan asks.

“You’re not in good shape, Little Bear,” she tells him. “Anyone who looks at you can see that. You should go home and take care of yourself.”

“I am taking care of myself,” he insists. “Work is what I need; I need a distraction.”

“You know, there’s no shame in taking a mental health day,” Louise reminds him. “I can handle things around here if you wanted to spend the day at home with a pint of ice cream.”

Dan manages a weak smile. “I’m fine, Lou,” he tells her. “And I don’t want to spend the day crying over someone who doesn’t want me.”

Louise hesitates. “He does want you, you know that,” she says and Dan’s face drops, as if the painful reminder was the last thing he wanted to hear right now. “I’m sorry but-”

“But he didn’t choose me,” Dan interrupts. “And if I’m going to get over it and move on, hiding under my covers isn’t going to help me do that.”

“Oh, Little Bear,” Louise reaches out and places a hand on his shoulder and Dan deflates a little, allowing himself to be pulled into a hug. Albeit a brief one as customers start to flock in, a bit more than usual, and Louise looks at Dan and tells him, “Looks like you definitely won’t have time to think of Phil today.”

 _‘Good’_ Dan thinks and he nods in agreement; this is just what he wanted, a distraction. He doesn’t want to be a pathetic lovesick puppy who waits around for a text from Phil; he’s going to stop dwelling on how Phil is going to live a happy life with someone he deserves. He’s going to stop dwelling on Phil period. 

Suddenly his phone starts vibrating in his pocket and when he checks it, his heart nearly stops when he sees that Phil is calling him. Almost instantly, his thumb hovers over his phone to answer but then he stops himself; the last thing he needs right now is to talk to Phil. It’ll be for the best if he just slowly distances himself from Phil. 

Decision made, he shuts his phone off completely, and he pockets it before he walks up to a customer, flashes a bright smile, and he gets to work, all thoughts of Phil slowly being shoved to the back of his mind. 

* * *

The first thing Phil does when he wakes up is call Dan. 

He figures if he’s going to try and fix things between the two of them, he needs to start now and stop wasting time. He’s already spent too much time trying to suppress his feelings and pretend that they don’t exist, when he should’ve embraced them and all of this could’ve been avoided. But he can’t change the past so he’s going to work on changing the future. And if he’s going to have any kind of future, he wants Dan in it. 

The other line rings three times before suddenly going to Dan’s voicemail, and Phil sighs heavily, knowing that Dan is ignoring him. Or maybe he just doesn’t want to talk to him, but he knows that he can’t keep wasting time. 

As quickly as he can he gets dressed, not bothering to put his contacts in and simply throwing on his glasses as he rushes out of the motel. Hailing the first cab he sees and he goes straight to Dan. He’s going to make things right. 

* * *

The cab stops outside of Game of Thorns, and Phil all but throws the money at the driver before jumping out. He pauses outside of the shop for a moment, looking inside to see that it’s rather busy at the moment and he starts second guessing himself; maybe he should just go home and do this another time. But then he spots Dan, and his heart nearly stops in his chest when he sees a flash of red against his black skinny jeans. It’s the keychain. 

Dan still has it. 

And that’s all the encouragement Phil needs to rush inside, pushing the door open so hard that it actually slams against the back wall as it opens. Everyone in the shop, including Dan, who’s tending to a customer at the moment, fall silent and turn to look at him, and under normal circumstances Phil would be utterly humiliated but not today. Today, he all he cares about is Dan.

“Phil, what the hell?” Dan demands, staring at him with wide eyes. He looks a bit angry at the moment, but mostly surprised and confused. His cheeks flush red and Phil’s stomach flips at the sight of blushing Dan, a sight he decides that he doesn’t want to spend another day without. 

“Sorry,” Phil pants. “But I need to talk to you. Now, it’s urgent.”

Dan motions to the crowd of people around him and says, “In case you haven’t noticed, I’m a bit busy right now.”

“Dan -”

“No, Phil,” Dan just says. “Now’s really not the time.”

“But Dan -”

“Phil, you’re causing a scene!” Dan hisses, struggling to keep his temper in check. He can’t do this now, he can’t deal with Phil right now.

“Because I need to talk to you!” Phil insists. 

“Phil -”

“I love you,” Phil just blurts out, and once again the shop falls completely silent - except for Louise who gasps, “Oh my god!” but Phil doesn’t care about the reactions of anyone else, and he stays focused on Dan. 

“You…” words fail the brunette for a moment, and he just stands there staring at Phil with wide eyes and mouth agape. 

Phil nods. “Dan, I love you,” he says again. “I know I should’ve told you sooner, but I was afraid. But I’m not afraid anymore and I love you.” 

He turns to an old lady standing next to him and he asks, “Can I borrow these?” motioning to her bouquet of lilies, and when she nods and hands the flowers to him, Phil walks up to Dan. 

“I’m sorry for everything. And maybe ‘sorry’ won’t make up for everything, but I hope it does because I don’t want anyone else but you. I’m sorry it took me so long to realize it, but now that I know it, I don’t want to lose you.” He takes a breath and says, “When you first told me about the lilies, you dared me to love you. Now it’s my turn. I love you, Dan, and I dare you to love me.” He cringes a bit. God, when did his life turn into a romantic comedy? 

With each passing moment that Dan doesn’t say anything, Phil feels like he’s going to throw up and his mind goes to the worst possible place, like Dan kicking him out of the shop or telling him he doesn’t love him anymore or -

“You love me?” he finally whispers. 

Phil smiles a little. “I think I’ve always loved you,” he says.

Dan just stands there, dumbfounded, with the widest smile on his face and he doesn’t move until Louise places a hand on his back and says, “This is the part where you kiss him,” as she gives him a gentle push forward. Dan stumbles a bit, but he ends up right where he belongs - in Phil’s arms. And in an instant, Phil’s pressing his lips to Dan’s and Louise gets the shop started with clapping and cheering for them, but Dan’s deaf to the noise and all he cares about right now is Phil. 

As the two of them kiss he can hear Phil’s voice echoing on repeat saying, “I love you,” and now that Dan’s finally heard the words he’s been waiting to hear for the longest time, he thinks he could cry. He’s just so _happy_ and even that’s not enough to describe how he feels right now. 

Dan breaks their kiss only to say, “I love you too.” God, does he love Phil. And when Phil kisses him again, he knows he couldn’t have asked for a better person to love. But even better than that, he _finally_ knows what it feels like to be truly loved by someone. And when it comes down to it, that’s all he’s ever really wanted. 

* * *

**Epilogue**  
**Four Years and Six Months Later**

“Dan, dear?” Louise’s voice brings Dan out of his thoughts and he looks up from his floral booklet to see her standing in front of the register, smiling widely at him. “So, have you decided on the flowers for the wedding yet?” 

Dan’s lips curl into a smile and he nods. “I’m going to go with the lilies,” he tells her, pointing at a photograph of a beautiful bouquet of lilies in his book, revealing to her that the image has been circled numerous times in black pen (and several hearts have been doodled around it as well). 

“Excellent choice,” Louise says, and then she squeals a little, clapping her hands. “Oh, I’m so excited, I love weddings!” She goes to walk behind the register so she’s standing next to Dan and she asks him, “Can I see the ring again?” 

As if she even has to ask; it’s not like Dan doesn’t go out of his way to make sure everyone and anyone can see his engagement ring. He brandishes his left hand in front of her, revealing a silver band around his third finger, the top of the ring coming together in the shape and style of a rose. “It’s so beautiful,” Louise sighs, taking Dan’s hand and staring lovingly at his ring. 

“It’s perfect,” Dan says, not taking his eyes off of the ring. “I love it almost as much as the man who gave it to me.”

“God, you two are so cute, I’m going to vomit,” Louise tells him, releasing his hand. 

Dan opens his mouth to say something when the bell above the shop’s front door ‘dings’ loudly, and he turns to look at the door, the smile on his face only growing wider. “Speaking of the man I love,” he says as Phil walks up to the register, leaning across it to place a kiss on the younger boy’s lips. 

“Hello, you,” the brunette says.

“Hey,” Phil grins. “I see you’re showing off your ring again.”

“Can you blame me?” Dan asks him. “It’s perfect.” 

“You’re perfect,” Phil replies, kissing his head. 

“Vom,” is all Louise says, and Dan and Phil laugh as she walks away from the two of them, leaving them alone for the time being. 

Dan reaches over for one of Phil’s hands, lacing their fingers together. “So,” he says. “I’ve decided on lilies for the wedding.”

“That sounds brilliant,” Phil says happily. “I wouldn’t want anything else.” He leans over and gives Dan another kiss, then pulls away abruptly. “Oh! I almost forgot!” He reveals his other hand to Dan - and Dan realizes that he hadn’t even noticed that Phil was hiding it behind his back - to show a bouquet of red and white roses. “These are for you,” he says.

Dan takes the roses, speechless, and he looks over at Louise, who just smiles knowingly at him. She always knew that one day, Dan was going to find someone to buy red and white roses for him. 

“I love you,” is all he can say, and he walks around the register to stand before Phil and properly kiss him. He feels like a flower in bloom, like life is coursing through his veins and he can’t even articulate how he feels right now, he just feels so _alive_. Phil makes him feel alive. Phil makes him feel like flowers could grow even in the darkest parts of his heart - and he supposes in a way that they did. 

“I love you too,” Phil tells him once they’ve stopped kissing, and Dan will never tire of hearing those words.

**Author's Note:**

> if you loved this fic as much as i do, [HERE](http://howellsprincess.tumblr.com/tagged/i-dare-you-to-love-me-tag) is my tumblr tag of posts dedicated to this fic :')


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